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To: ~digs who wrote (24)	1/16/2007 5:20:12 PM
From: Bucky Katt	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 137

Bill Parcells: 'I've Always Hated Football' DALLAS—In the last press conference Bill Parcells would give this year after leading the Cowboys through a frustrating 9-7 season and an excruciating first-round playoff loss to the Seattle Seahawks, the hard-nosed coach surprised reporters by revealing that he "was glad to see the season, and with any luck [his] career, come to an end," stating that "I can't remember a time in my life when I haven't hated football." Enlarge Image Bill Parcells "Come on—anyone who paid attention to my career must have suspected it," two-time Super Bowl-winner Parcells told stunned members of the press at the Cowboys practice facility Tuesday, reacting to their disbelief with surprise of his own. "When did I ever look like I was enjoying myself? When did you last see me smile on the sidelines or in the locker room? You must have at least wondered why I was always so angry with everyone around me." "I'll tell you why—I was goddamn miserable," Parcells added. "Football sucks." The coach expounded on his statements by explaining, in acid tones and with an exasperated manner, how he "just sort of fell into coaching" after playing college football at Wichita State, an experience he described as "pretty okay, I guess, at least for young men." "But coaching? All that pressure, having to deal with all those dumbass players, just to play a game that's basically a lot of choreographed shoving?" Parcells said. "Screw that. Screw football. Seriously, I wonder sometimes why I was so good at it." Parcells explained that he developed his trademark style of possession-oriented, run-first, ball-control football in an effort to not spend too much time thinking about a game that he found "basically pretty freaking dumb." "No one was more surprised than I was when it worked," Parcells said. "Surprised and damn disappointed, really. Turns out football's really simple. Hell, a freaking ape could coach this game. Guys like Belichick, Cowher, Holmgren, you know why they're successful? Because they're actually too smart to coach football. Come to think of it, I bet they hate it too." "The worst part of my success was that it meant if I wanted any kind of successful career, I had no choice but to spend my time dealing with really stellar guys like Drew Bledsoe, Lawrence Taylor, Keyshawn Johnson, and Terrell Owens," Parcells said in an effort to explain his often fractious relationship with most of his players. "Solid-gold citizens, football players. If they're not boring as hell, they're arrogant drug-crazed felons." More, from the Onion! theonion.com