To: Tom Clarke who wrote (9562 ) 2/18/2007 1:17:05 AM From: average joe Respond to of 36917 What Hath Gore Wrought? It's mid-January here in Central Texas and instead of enjoying the balmy 70 degree weather we had at Christmas, we're in a frozen hell. It's the middle of a record cold snap, with the thermometer stuck below freezing for longer than I can ever remember, and the most bizarre of phenomena, significant amounts of snow on the ground for 3 days in a row. Normally in this part of Texas the duration of snow is measured in seconds, not days. As in the snow hits the ground and disappears. Yet right now I'm looking at multiple days' accumulation of snow and ice on the ground and on the trees. Our bizarre winter wonderland may be pretty, but it's damned inconvenient. The roads are undriveable because no one in Texas knows how to drive in these conditions, so every car is like an unguided missile. Even if you could drive somewhere all the stores are closed. Our phone lines keep coming and going and our internet service is acting wanky. At least we haven't lost power yet, unlike thousands of others in the area. So far today the ice buildup has been accelerating, so we may have that to look forward to as the lines get weighted down. After three days the novelty of living in a winter wonderland is wearing rather thin, even for the kids. As I lie under the blankets in my long-johns I curse the name of Al Gore. Clearly it is he, through his arrogant blasphemy against God with his claims to know His mind and His will for the weather, which has angered the capricious diety and caused him to send us this icey punishment. As I slip and slide along the path to the garage to retrieve emergency supplies for another day I curse the name of the Socialist Republic of Austin. Clearly it is they with their so-called 'green energy' and love for Al Gore who have brought this calamitty upon us by mocking the Stormbringer who sits on high and rules the weather by his whim. As I pry the frozen dogs off the porch I curse the names of all the wide-eyed leftists in America who paid to buy a ticket to An Inconvenient Truth. I'll show you an inconvenient truth. It's called frozen dog turds right outside your back door because the dogs are too cold to make it to the grass before they do their business. As I prepare to eat my third meal of canned chili with beans I curse the climate scientists who had me half convinced that I'd be living in a tropical paradise year-round and have now been proven so laughably wrong. As I yearn for my cross-country skies which are languishing in a closet in Maine I curse the international socialists whose Kyoto treaty was designed to punish those who sat in God's good graces through their industry and productivity and clearly drew down His frozen wrath upon all of us in indiscriminate punishment. As I weep silently beneath layers of down comforters I curse my BigAss Ecotruck and I curse myself, for if I had not affronted God by rejecting his holy petroleum in favor of the devil's biodiesel, perhaps he would not have visited this vengeful icy curse upon me. All I can pray for now is that some day the ice and snow will melt and the emaciated forms of my family will be able to stand in God's sunlight in the proper 60 degree weather which is January in Texas some day in the future. Right now it looks like the distant future, as the Weather Priests in the Televideo Temples are predicting at least two more days of frozen hell. Today I will do what I can to save my family and the world. I shall set forth on the roads of certain death using my wife's blessed gashog SUV with its holy four-wheel-drive and I shall go to Borders and I shall buy all of the copies of An Inconvenient Truth and when I return home I shall stack them in a pyre and burn them all, and it will be blessed in God's sight, and he will part the heavy clouds and let the sun of redemption shine down upon us once again and free us from the tyrrany of the ice. elitistpig.com