To: maceng2 who wrote (11219 ) 4/6/2007 5:10:11 PM From: longnshort Respond to of 36917 Moonbat alert:Michael P. Tremoglie: Philadelphia Homicides Caused By ... Global Warming? By: Michael P. Tremoglie, author of "A Sense Of Duty" available at amazon.com, The Bulletin 04/06/2007 Email to a friendPost a CommentPrinter-friendly During the past several months Mayor John Street has furnished several different reasons as to why Philadelphia is Murder, Inc. First, he blamed guns. Eliminate guns and you eliminate murders, he said. Of course, he did not explain how an inanimate object, alone, could murder people. Blaming homicides on guns would be analogous to crediting Michelangelo's brush for painting the Sistine Chapel. Ask the people in Washington DC, where despite the effective abolition of gun ownership, the murder rate rivals Philadelphia. Then Hizzoner said the Iraq war was to blame. I did my master's thesis on the correlation between war and crime - even wrote a column about it. This explanation would make more sense postwar - and even then it is not a definite. Then he said Philadelphia's homicide really was not that bad. I guess 104 homicides is not really too bad compared to other big cities - like Baghdad. Philadelphia would also pale in comparison to Fallujah - so, yeah, maybe the mayor is correct. Rumor has it, however, that Mayor Street has conjured yet another reason for the carnage. He will announce at his next news conference, that he now knows the reason for Philadelphia's spiraling out of control homicide rates. It is global warming. Yes, citizens of Philadelphia, apparently, Mayor Street, consulted with his Democratic Party comrade, former Vice President Al Gore, and now realizes that because of Philadelphia's unique proximity to chemical plants (Allied Chemical), oil refineries ( Sunoco), and pharmaceutical companies ( Glaxo SmithKline), the burning of fossil fuels from these sources, as well as the port of Philadelphia's role for the importation of paper products, which as we all know causes the clearing of forests, Philadelphia dramatically increases the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere and the temperatures of Philadelphia are rising. Now, ask any veteran police officer of the inner city and they will tell you that the first warm night of the year people go berserk. Crime is rampant as citizens rejoice the spring equinox by committing various types of mayhem. It therefore follows that global warming would cause people to engage in mayhem all year round. The effects of this cannot be denied. Forget about the fact that the Philadelphia Police Department has been reduced by about 500 officers the last few years. Forget about the fact that the clearance rate for murders is less than half. Forget about the fact that when police officers do arrest criminals, the District Attorney's office and the city judges find creative ways not to imprison them. Forget about the fact that the city's probation department is dysfunctional. Forget about the fact that the prison system has been known to parole violent murderers. Forget about the fact that the police department is poorly managed and reorganization is a foreign concept. Forget about the fact that the recidivism rate among Philadelphia's convicted criminals is astronomical. Forget about the fact that the murder rate in Philadelphia right now is higher than New York City, Los Angeles and Chicago. No, disregard all these facts, because Mayor Street and the Democrats who run the city know the real reason. It is not their fault. They are not to blame. Hizzoner is expected to say at this news conference that President George W. Bush's is to blame. He did not want to sign the Kyoto Treaty (Yo, if Michael Moore can say 9/11 was the result of people being mad at Bush because of Kyoto - why not?). Former Veep Al Gore is also expected to be at this conference to explain the details. He will be showing his movie about global warming, "An Inconvenient Truth," and link Philly's homicides with the melting of the Arctic glaciers. Afterwards, Gore and Hizzoner will explain a new program that Gore will offer. He will sell "Murder Offsets" using the same company he created to sell "Carbon Offsets." For those unfamiliar, "carbon offset" is a method of reducing the net emission of carbon dioxide by those who use a lot of energy - like, huh, well, Al Gore. For example, he needs a lot of electricity to power his Tennessee mansion. He also uses a lot of fossil fuels flying around the world to show his movie about global warming. So he started this company that takes money from those who use a lot of energy and plants trees which will absorb the carbon and replace it with oxygen. "Murder Offsets" will provide places to inter homicide victims. This will be provided by convicted murderers who are repeat offenders. It's very simple. Instead of planting trees they plant people. This should be a very exciting news conference. Michael P. Tremoglie is the author of A Sense Of Duty, available on Amazon.com.