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To: E. Charters who wrote (52884)	11/14/2007 6:00:06 PM
From: E. Charters	Respond to of 78419

Time's up. Answers. 1. Why? "Who the hell knows, I just do the mail here." 2. In reference to your answer above, how much will it cost per politician to implement assuming it has to be be processed by the minimum number of government departments that it takes to permit an amusement park? "No more than several investors (To whom you showed your deal) can afford who are proposing that they head up the plans to get permitted sooner than you can." 3. Why is it not possible to trisect every angle? "You just can't. I tried and it didn't work." Also acceptable is "I don't know how to trisect any angle so how the hell do you expect me to try all of them." 4. Apparently x^n+y^n==z^n has no integer solutions for n>2 and x,y,z!=0 .. Prove this assertion in no more than 20 lines. "It true. Just try all the possibilities on a computer." 5. Finish Schubert's 8th Symphony. "Du du du dah. Du du du du du, du du du, du, dud ud du, dah dah." 6. For an arts degree, write an 5000 line epic poem describing man's return to the moon. The quatrains should rhyme with your favourite swearwords. Make frequent references to popular culture in the Fiji Islands, lesbian dwarfs, and jazz rock. Plagiarize Lenny Bruce and Howard Stern freely. 'We's goin back to space, man Cause a crack head is the boss-man. People whose necks are red Who listen close to Turner Ted and with vile corn likker are fully fed Tend to think that he's a hit. We seem to feel he's full of _____' Ad liberatum ... 7. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town that has been bypassed by the interstate to breed a country-western singer? "Only one generation if you can get someone to marry their sister. 'Uncle dad' being the common salutation to males in your family, it shouldn't be long." 8. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A. ' 66 Ford Fairlane B. ' 69 Chevrolet Chevelle C. ' 64 Pontiac GTO "For Operation Repair daily." Boy that as easy. 9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift? "Not many. Generally the ventilation is so bad you can't get a a match to light, but if you do, it won't be to light a lucky." 10. Prove beyond any doubt that psychophantic flattery, sexual favours, bribery, stealing exam papers, having rich relatives make outrageously generous endowments, political connections, blackmail and letting examining professors lay claim to groundbreaking original work that you are author of will not allow one to get a graduate degree at this university. "Disproven. You graduated didn't you?" 11. Construct a Turing machine that will balance a woman's checkbook. This is a trick question. "Our Turing machine quit in protest at the suggestion. Something about infinite loops, and NP incomplete problems. It just ground to a halt when it was fed 'women' and 'logic' in the same propositional sentence." 12. Write a folk song in Moldavian that definitively justifies man's inhumanity to man. Students will be marked on how many Moldavians commit suicide after hearing the song. "(Translation) Life Sucks. Things are bad. They are getting worse. You deserve to die. People hate you. They are right to do so. Go away. You suck worse than life does. Did I mention that an opinion poll says 9 out of ten people think that knowing you is not really preferable to having leprosy, as knowing you is incurable." 13. It has been decided by the government that to be totally fair affirmative action programs should provide incentive to minorities in a weighting system that gives a numeric score in inverse relation to their percentage in society. It has been determined that to qualify for entrance to a university program, an Anglo Saxon would require an 1Q of 180 and a Moldavian would require an IQ of 75. Does this plan reduce the standard of graduates in any way?* Write a speech for a liberal candidate averring that it will improve the standard, fudging statistics with such politically correct polemic that it will convince a sufficient number of dull normals to elect him in your congressional district. " Folks cultural relativism tells us that everyone is born equal, and only money separates the good folks from the bad ones. I think we responsible white liberal voters have had far too much advantage for too long. It is important that not only do we let minorities take the helm from now on, but we let really lots of mentally disadvantaged minorities get ahead. This way we will have an easy answer as to why things are going wrong, instead of blaming really smart people like us when things screw up. I am getting tired of hearing that my cousin who happens to be a registered professional golfer was responsible for 200,000 social security cheques being late and $20 million missing from the welfare department. I accept his story that he left for the day and left the mailing in the hands of the new temp. He can't do everything. And as far as his offshore villas in the Caymans go, I realize that a 10 acre villa costs a few bucks but let me tell you, golf lessons cost a lot of money and he had been a very busy boy. I think it's just a lot fairer if we can find some coloured people to blame for these kind of mistakes. Putting them in charge makes a lot more sense." EC<:-}