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Politics : Formerly About Advanced Micro Devices -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: combjelly who wrote (359448)11/20/2007 8:53:57 AM
From: steve harris  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 1575348
 
Got a link to your GAO report or are you making shit up again?

whitehouse.org

ITEMIZATION OF TAXPAYER PROPERTY DAMAGE:
1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, WASHINGTON D.C.

Location: Briefing Room
Damage: Paper clip on floor

Location: Communications Bullpen
Damage: Dust on tops of door frames

Location: Rose Garden
Damage: Discarded Snickers bar wrapper caught in shrubbery

Location: West Wing (multiple offices)
Damage: Microscopic scratches on tops of desks, "W" keys forcibly removed from keyboards of standard-issue 1996 Compaq Presario computers

Location: Ladies Restroom
Damage: Tampon dispensers empty, three (3) toilets left overflowing and clogged with aborted fetuses

Location: Diplomatic Foyer
Damage: Hand-painted 14" bronze Presidential Seal unlawfully removed (replaced with Alcoholics Anonymous motivational plaque)

Location: Cabinet Room
Damage: Vice President's chair gilded. Also, fifteen (15) copies of "The Complete Mongoloid's Guide to One Term Presidencies" glued to conference table surface.

Location: Printer Pool
Damage: Photomontages depicting simian-themed treason inserted into printer paper trays

Location: Roosevelt Room
Damage: Too many appliances plugged into single outlet, extension cord running under carpet

Location: Oval Office
Damage: Personal-sized cocaine mirror monogrammed "GWB" taped to underside of President's desk. Counterfeit fingerprints of current President placed on same (method unknown). Cocaine currently unaccounted for.

Location: Lincoln Bedroom
Damage: Pubic lice infestation of vintage bed linens. Bedside ATM machine vandalized.

Location: North Lawn
Damage: Area directly beneath Mr. and Mrs. Bush's private residence is strewn with discarded distilled spirits bottles and pretzel bags.

Location: Library
Damage: Wholesale replacement of books with the complete archives of Sports Illustrated magazine

Location: Office #2C (Formerly occupied by First Lady Hillary Clinton)
Damage: Filing cabinet drawers lined with explicit centerfolds from "Liberal Bull Dykes Quarterly"

Location: On every table and flat surface in the White House
Damage: Security has retrieved 1,457 cardboard coasters sporting a photograph of George H. W. Bush (the 41st) and Jennifer Fitzgerald in an athletic, yet solely platonic entanglement with the greeting: "President Bush and his girlfriend welcome you to the White House."

Location: Men's Room
Damage: Soap dispensers left empty, "Glory Hole" anonymous sex conduits drilled through stall walls. (Mr. Rove insists these remain - in testament to the prurience of the previous administration.)

Location: Kitchen
Damage: Someone wrote "Helter Skelter" on the Sub-Zero with bar-b-que sauce

Location: West Wing Coffee Nook
Damage: Someone used a label-maker to affix an out-of-context George W. Bush quotation: "Coffee - the second best upper to come out of Columbia!"

Location: Diplomatic Reception Room
Damage: Waste baskets left unemptied

Location: Intern Lounge
Damage: Large holes in walls, ceiling and floor left during uninstallation of sado-masochistic gymnasium equipment.

Location: Basement Boiler Room
Damage: "BUBBA WUZ HERE" written on floor in several quarts of crusted-over man jelly