To: TimF who wrote (158140 ) 1/24/2008 7:34:32 PM From: TimF Respond to of 225578 A couple of more comments about the whole housework issue --- With respect to housework, errands, and the like, one of the things I had to do early on was make sure she understood that I would not be her unpaid underling. The distinction I made was between taking responsibility and taking direction. I would willingly take responsibility for my share of household tasks (that's only fair), but that meant they were my jobs and I got to decide when and how to do the work. And once I had taken on a job, "Fine! Then I'll just do it myself!" was not an option. Posted by Slocum | January 23, 2008 10:39 PM meganmcardle.theatlantic.com --- Does Mr Caplan think that "person with the lowest standards wins" should be a general rule for marriage? Can women unilaterally quit their jobs because they're content with a lower standard of living, or spend the retirement fund on shoes because they don't mind spending their golden years in penury? Well, I think Caplan would say that the Golden Rule applies, and you can't freeload off anyone or put in less than half of what you expect to receive. But if a woman wanted to retire because she has sufficient savings, or wants to spend more now and have less in retirement ... aren't those perfectly valid choices? Subject to negotiation, of course. Or to look at it another way, if a woman wanted to work part-time and was happy if her partner did so too, how is that "shirking"? As long as neither person's cleanliness standards are unreasonable or result in things growing in the house, I think part of what Caplan is saying is that one person shouldn't assume his or her standards are better than the other person's. Just different, and subject to "amicable renegotiations" Posted by derek rose | January 24, 2008 7:00 AM meganmcardle.theatlantic.com