Looks like that bunghole AS got published! This read just like a book that idiot would salivate about.
radaronline.com
Tome Deaf
American Wife: Laura Bush Explored
BURNING BUSH Sittenfeld's latest On the heels of two best-selling books, (Prep, The Man of My Dreams), young, Iowa-trained author Curtis Sittenfeld is about to release her most controversial book yet—a thinly veiled novel based on Laura Bush's life that is sure to send the White House into a fury. Published by Random House next fall, American Wife tells the story of Alice Blackwell, a quiet librarian whose husband Charlie becomes the bumbling president of the United States. It is, in short, a fictional examination of the life of the First Lady that mingles real facts and incidents with the author's imaginative, fanciful, sometimes sexually charged musings. The result is a masterful highbrow-lowbrow mash-up that satisfies as ass-kicking literary fiction and juicy gossip simultaneously.
On the gossip front, the novel doesn't disappoint. From discovering that her grandmother is a lesbian, killing her high school crush with her car at age 16 (this incident at least is based in fact—Laura Bush was involved in a fatal car accident at that age), having sex with his brother, getting an abortion, and descriptions of sex with the president, Alice's antics are sure to have tongues chattering from coast to coast. While we want to stress that American Wife is primarily a work of fiction, we know that there are those of you who can't wait until the book's September release to read a description of the George W. Bush character's penis. That and more follow:
"Alice" has sex with "Charlie"
"His butt was small in the way that I always forgot a lot of men's were; how could he possibly be an unscrupulous politician with such a cute little butt? Back in bed, he knelt on the mattress—I was lying flat, and he was above me—and perhaps it sounds crude to say that this is the moment I knew I could love him, when I saw his penis. With men in my past, the penis had seemed to me an odd creature, both comic and forlorn. But I felt a great devotion to Charlie when I first got a look at his, the ruddy-hued, upward-pointing shaft, its swollen veins and cap-like tip. All of it was so completely of him, and I felt how there was no part of his body I wouldn't want to touch, no way I wouldn't allow him to touch me."
"Charlie" goes down on "Alice"
"He bent his head to kiss my sternum, my navel and belly ... to open me up, and he brought his face in and was licking me, he was licking me firmly and repeatedly, and it seemed both difficult to believe (Charlie Blackwell's face burrowed between my legs?) and also entirely inevitable: beyond logic and language and decorum.... His cheeks between my thighs, his bobbing head, and his earnest assiduous lapping—very quickly, it was too much to bear, and I gasped and cried out. It was like tremors, and I felt my thighs clenching around his head, and when he came up a few seconds later and kissed my forehead, I said, 'I hope I didn't suffocate you,' and he said, 'I can't think of a better way to go.'
"Alice" discovers that her grandmother is a lesbian
"...I stepped instead into the living room, and just before I crossed the threshold, I heard my grandmother's laughter, and just after I heard her laughter, I saw her sitting on Dr. Wycomb's lap, kissing Dr. Wycomb on the lips.
"Dr. Wycomb was dressed in a burgundy silk bathrobe; my grandmother was wearing a beige bra and a beige half-slip trimmed with lace. She was facing Dr. Wycomb, and their mouths were open a little and their eyes were closed, and the kiss went on for several seconds and had not yet stopped when I backed out.... I had to leave the apartment; there was no alternative.
"[...] Approaching the nearer vase, I pushed aside the greens and then I vomited—hideously, pungently, gloriously—into the vase's depths."
"Alice" has doggy-style sex with the brother of the boy she killed
"[H]e pushed me back against the mattress, straddled me, and leaned forward to roll his face between my breasts, pressing them against his cheeks and licking my nipples, his stubble rubbing not unpleasantly against my skin, and the more he grabbed and thrashed, the more the grabbing and thrashing seemed to stir rather than satisfy his desire. He pulled off my pants and underwear at the same time—I was wearing blue jeans, and he had to unbutton and unzip them first—and then I was naked except for my socks, which were white with lace trim. He tugged me upward and flipped me over, and when he said, 'No, you have to be on your knees,' it was the first time either of us had spoken in several minutes."
"Alice" gets an abortion
"'We'll go to Chicago, and we'll have it taken care of. Next week, likely. I need to make a few calls. You can do as you see fit, but I'd advise against saying anything to your parents. I just can't imagine what purpose it would serve.'
"I felt an impulse then to express incomprehension, except that I did comprehend. At night, when I listened to 'Lonesome Town,' I knew. She was right.
"'Isn't it—" I hesitated. "'Isn't it illegal?'
"'Certainly, and it happens all the time. You can't legislate human nature.'
"[...]My grandmother was not permitted in the operating room—when Dr. Wycomb appeared in the white coat. She squeezed my hand, and the warmth of her grip made me realize how cold I was. I wore a blue hospital gown, and when I lay on the operating table, the nurse had me set my feet in metal stirrups. 'The doctor wants to talk to you before we put you under,' the nurse said, and ten or twelve minutes had passed." |
