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Politics : Sioux Nation -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Wharf Rat who wrote (158992)	1/24/2009 4:36:36 PM
From: SiouxPal	1 Recommendation Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 362449

They're Losing Their Fucking Minds, Part 1: So Barack Obama, openly pro-choice, openly pro-gay rights (not totally, but let's take it for now), and openly tossing the Bush administration onto the shitpile and setting it on fire, warming himself from the flames, has been in office nearly four days. And the right has lost its fucking mind. They don't know what to do. It's kind of hysterically pathetic, like watching a man driving a car that's grinding gears and squealing brakes and he turns up the radio so he can't hear the noise. Dude, the car's fucked. For instance, the Family Research Council's Super-Duper Prayer Team has been called upon to pray so hard, with our eyes and assholes clenched tight, that Obama and Congress magically transform into something else, like they're just frogs that need a princess's soft lips to become princes of the Lord. The Rude Pundit joined the SDPT under a nom de rude and he receives weekly prayerilingus orders from the FRC's National Prayer Director, a title that is a little like "Chief Klingon Speaker." We've been ordered to bend over and give it up for God to stop Obama's policies on abortion: "May God miraculously change our new President's heart to abandon his abortion plans! May He give pro-life Congressmen supernatural will and effective political strategies to withstand and defeat these death-dealing plans!" And if God doesn't change Obama's heart, does that mean we should just chill? That our prayers are annoying the fuck out of him? Since you can make up any shit you like and say that God believes it, the Rude Pundit will answer his questions with a knowing nod. Demonstrating the churchward drift of what was once called "mainstream conservatism," Kathryn Jean Lopez over at the National Review Online's blog gives a high-five to the desires of the SDPT, when, at the March for Life, she observes, "It’s a beautiful thing to see how many of this crowd — and so many pro-life religious folks I’ve encountered – are praying for Barack Obama. They love their country and want better for it than legal abortion. They know the power of prayer, and if anything could make him reconsider abortion..." This is how bugfuck they're becoming (let's not even get into what's going on at the other nutzoid conservative blogs). All they have left is to pray to an invisible sky wizard to intercede on their behalf, that some godly hoodoo, some Jesus-y magic, will make it all better for them. And when you realize that most people in the country have told you and your party to shove it up your asses, all you can do is sit on your knees. (Side note: One of the things the Rude Pundit's been loving about these first few days of the Obama presidency is how the President is saying, "Fuck you" to everyone who talked about how hard it would be to do the things that he's doing, how, if he saw what the Bush people saw, he'd change his mind. Nope. Full speed ahead.) rudepundit.blogspot.com

To: Wharf Rat who wrote (158992)	1/24/2009 7:47:41 PM
From: SiouxPal	Respond to of 362449

Area Teen Up To Something GREENFIELD, OH—A local teenager, standing on the corner of Spring Street and Dunlap Lane, is clearly up to some kind of no good, neighborhood sources reported Thursday. Neighbors are keeping close watch on the teen, who has an unsettling number of pockets. The teenager, spotted by Greenfield residents at approximately 4:36 p.m., has been described as tall, suspiciously quiet, and almost certainly looking for trouble. According to concerned sources, the teenager has absolutely no business being out there like that. "Just look at him," said Bob Page, one of several men and women currently watching the 14-year-old from their living room window. "That boy's definitely up to something." Signs that the teenager may be up to no good have so far included his hunched over posture, the way he keeps looking around with his eyes, and the fact that he probably owns a number of those violent video games. Residents told reporters that they are especially troubled by the teenager's hooded sweatshirt, which he is wearing with the hood drawn, despite it not even raining outside. "I don't like how I can't see his face," said homemaker Ellen Campbell, who attributed the teen's erratic behavior to the lack of positive role models in today's music industry. "He'd show his face if he weren't thinking of doing something wrong. I bet he's thinking of doing something wrong right now." Based on his outward appearance, many are worried that the teenager is one of those youths who were recently caught drinking in the woods behind the recycling center. According to residents, what the teenager will do next remains their chief concern. Though he is not currently in possession of a shopping cart, residents believe that he may in fact steal one from the nearby Stop & Shop, simply for the sake of inconveniencing others. Some have even speculated that the teenager may be planning to burn dead leaves later this afternoon, possibly with the cigarette lighter to which he no doubt has access. Whatever unlawful acts he may be planning, locals are convinced it will include some sort of profanity, whether spoken, written, or a combination of both. "He's probably waiting for one of his friends to arrive," said Howard Silverman, who pretended to check on his mailbox four separate times in order to get a better look at the teen. "Once that happens, they'll come up with something really terrible to do together." Added Silverman, "The songs they listen to make them angry." Fears among residents increased minutes later when several onlookers noticed that the teenager's hands had entered his pockets. Among the items believed to be inside his pockets were spray cans, spoiled eggs, and probably one of those miniature stereos that all the young people own. The teenager then removed a cell phone from his pocket, viewed its screen—which sources believe contained a nude picture of another teenager—and placed it back in his pocket. "What's he hiding?" homeowner Ron Kirkland asked. "One thing I know for sure: He's going to regret whatever it is he's about to do when he's older." In a recent poll, 56 percent of residents claimed that the teenager is selling drugs, while 34 percent said he is buying drugs. The remaining 10 percent believe that he is currently on drugs. Ninety-eight percent of those polled wished the teen would just go away. "Maybe someone should call the police," said neighbor Patricia Meyer, who instead opted to stare out her window with an even more disapproving look. "I just hope something doesn't get robbed." At press time, the teen adjusted his hood to reveal a giant piercing in his left earlobe. theonion.com