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Pastimes : Politically Incorrect: for those sick of PC -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: greenspirit who wrote (984)	10/31/1997 1:37:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1014

A timely holiday reminder :-) Horror Movie Tips ----------------- 1. When it seems that you've killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead. 2. If you find that your house is built on or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion or who performed satanic practices, move away immediately. 3. Never read a book on demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. 4. Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out. 5. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language they do not know, or if they speak using a voice other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note: It's unlikely they'll die easily, so be prepared. 6. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go it alone. 7. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell. 8. If you're searching for something that caused a noise and find that it was just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life. 9. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip and fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, although you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you. 10. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination with blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible. 11. Never, never, NEVER try to communicate with something icky because "there is so much we can learn from them." 12. Don't make fun of or play with dead things. 13. When something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that when you try to start your car, no matter how reliable the vehicle is normally, you'll have to crank the engine over many times before it will fire up. 14. Never have sex in the bunk beds of recently renovated summer camps. 15. People arriving to rescue you generally get ambushed by the monster, so don't rely on them as your only means of escape. In fact, expect to be surprised and delayed by encountering their flayed corpses at some point. 16. On no account do ANYTHING because someone dares you to. 17. Never EVER go in/out there ( there being the attic, closet, barn, basement, dark alley, dark anywhere else, the all-concealing shadows, the woods or the lake). 18. If you are wounded by flesh-eating zombies, abandon all hope, because sooner or later, no matter how many antibiotics you take, you will become one of them. 19. Don't open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing or any other strange noises from the other side. 20. Never camp or build homes on an Indian burial ground. 21. Never pick up the phone and call for help. Chances are your phone will be dead and the next thing you'll see is the monster swinging some sort of sharp object. 22. Never be present immediately before, after or during a successful demon/devil/monster summoning. 23. If you're being chased by a monster and you think it's behind you, chances are it will appear in front of you (and if you're a girl, this will happen right after you trip and fall and then stand up to look behind you). 24. If appliances start operating by themselves, move out. 25. Don't fool with recombinant DNA unless you're sure you know what you're doing.