Maybe we could all chip in and buy it.
==
April 1 round-up
by Staff
Click on the headline (link) for the full text.
energybulletin.net
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Scientists worldwide admit global warming is a hoax
Eoin O'Carroll, Bright green, Christian Science Montior
In an unprecedented move Wednesday, the Norwegian Nobel Committee rescinded the Peace Prize it awarded in 2007 to former US vice president Al Gore and the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, amid overwhelming evidence that global warming is an elaborate hoax cooked up by Mr. Gore.
A press release from the committee quotes a chagrined Rajendra Pachauri, the UN climate panel’s chair, who claims that he was the victim of a “cunning deception spanning decades”:
“I am deeply ashamed for having unwittingly perpetuated such a massive fraud on the governments of the world,” said Mr. Pachauri.
“It turns out that all that data from satellites and radiosondes, surface temperature readings, borehole analysis, measurements of rising sea levels, melting glaciers and permafrost, phenological data, and proxy reconstructions of paleoclimatic conditions were all fabricated out of thin air by my former friend, Al Gore. Now that I think about it, I suppose that we should have instituting some sort of peer-review process before publishing such alarming conclusions. Once again, I’m very sorry.”
After revoking the 2007 prize from Gore and the IPCC, the Nobel committee retroactively awarded it to the more than 31,000 people who signed the Oregon Petition – an appeal challenging the notion that there exists a scientific consensus regarding global warming – “for their efforts to pursue pure, objective science that is free from the influence of any special interest group.”
... Following the Nobel committee’s announcement, national scientific academies from 187 countries hastily drafted a joint statement denouncing the theory of anthropogenic global warming and expressing a renewed humility in the face of complex natural phenomena:
... The only major scientific body not to sign the statement was the Royal Society of Canada, whose country has been brought to a standstill by a massive infestation of polar bears.
(April Fools Day 2009)
Related: I've never been so wrong in my life says environmental reporter.
RealClimate: Farewell to our Readers
RealClimate (Climate science from climate scientists)
We would like to apologize to our loyal readers who have provided us so much support since we first went online in December 2004. However, after listening to the compelling arguments of the distinguished speakers who participated in the Heartland Institute's recent global warming contrarian conference, we have decided that the science is settled — in favor of the contrarians. Indeed, even IPCC chair Rajendra Pachauri has now admitted that anthropogenic climate change was a massive hoax after all. Accordingly, RealClimate no longer has a reason for existence.
The contrarians have made a convincing case that (a) global warming isn't happening, (b) even if it is, its entirely natural and within the bounds of natural variability, (c) well, even if its not natural, it is modest in nature and not a threat, (d) even if anthropogenic warming should turn out to be pronounced as projected, it will sure be good for us, leading to abundant crops and a healthy environment, and (e) well, it might actually be really bad, but hey, its unstoppable anyway. (Can we get our check now?)
(April Fools Day 2009)
NASA Announces New Mars Exploration Strategy (PDF)
Jet Propulsion Laboratory (CIT), NASA
NASA’s successful exploration of Mars over the last several decades has returned much scientific information, but has always been faced with the significant challenge of getting to the Red Planet. Mars is never closer than 35 million miles from Earth, and is often much farther. But that’s about to change.
“For over thirty years, we’ve been making the long trip to Mars every time we had a mission,” said Rio Palof, manager of NASA’s Mars Exploration Program at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. “Clearly, it would be much easier to have Mars closer to Earth, and then make relatively short trips with our new rovers and orbiters.” Palof said he got the idea watching trucks load and unload at JPL’s loading dock: “They bring the truck right to the building, and move the cartons just a few feet, rather than parking the truck out in a lot and shuttling back and forth. But that’s what we’ve been doing with Mars—shuttling back and forth over long interplanetary distances, rather than making a shorter, more manageable trip.”
Changing the orbit of Mars to bring it closer to Earth will not be an easy task, but it’s not as complicated as it seems. “It’s a simple problem of pushing on the planet to slow it down,” said Elan Timora, JPL’s chief engineer. “We got our start in the 1930’s working on propulsion problems—that’s the “P” in JPL, after all—so we understand the technology and the calculations here.”
The amount of impulse, or force, required is substantial, but JPL management is confident that economic stimulus funding will be made available for this task. “By having Mars close by, we’ll be able to have many more missions to it, and consequently more scientific discoveries, more technological spinoffs, and a tremendous boost to science and engineering education in the country. This enhancement of our intellectual infrastructure is exactly what stimulus funds are intended for” said Timora.
(April Fools Day 2009)
Twitter switch for Guardian, after 188 years of ink
Rio Palof, Guardian
• Newspaper to be available only on messaging service
• Experts say any story can be told in 140 characters
Consolidating its position at the cutting edge of new media technology, the Guardian today announces that it will become the first newspaper in the world to be published exclusively via Twitter, the sensationally popular social networking service that has transformed online communication.
The move, described as "epochal" by media commentators, will see all Guardian content tailored to fit the format of Twitter's brief text messages, known as "tweets", which are limited to 140 characters each. Boosted by the involvement of celebrity "twitterers", such as Madonna, Britney Spears and Stephen Fry, Twitter's profile has surged in recent months, attracting more than 5m users who send, read and reply to tweets via the web or their mobile phones.
(April Fools Day 2009)
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