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Gold/Mining/Energy : Gold and Silver Juniors, Mid-tiers and Producers -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: stan_hughes who wrote (66157)	7/10/2009 10:32:47 PM
From: E. Charters	1 Recommendation Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 78410

no fillee stopee, no minee stopee. You know, old chinese proverb. no eat, no shit, no shit, die. Truly tasteless, but occasionally hilarious humour: * Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? Because all those men already have boyfriends. * What do electric trains and women's breasts have in common? They were originally intended for children but it's the men who play with them the most. * Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask directions. * What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex? "Are you done?" * What are the three words women hate to hear during sex? "Honey, I'm home!" * What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds. * What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes. * What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment. * What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute. * What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her. * What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married. * What's worse than a male chauvinist pig? A woman that won't do what she's told. * How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up. * How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get the remote. * What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink. * What are those small bumps around a woman's nipples? They are Braille for "suck here." * What's a man's idea of foreplay? Half an hour of begging. * What's the best way to make your wife scream when you're having sex? Call her up and tell her where you are. * Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to. * Why do women have tits? So men will talk to them. * Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand seeing a man have a good time. * Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they won't hump female legs at cocktail parties. * Why are hurricanes normally named after women? When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them. * What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist * What's the difference between your wife and your job? After 5 years your job still sucks. * Why are men are like public toilets? The good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit. * What's the best thing about a blow job? Ten minutes of silence. * What is the definition of the perfect woman? A deaf and dumb nympho whose father owns a pub. * What do you call a woman with no asshole? Divorced or single. * What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb. * Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? It changes their blood type. * What does a woman do with her asshole in the morning? She makes him a sandwich and sends him to work. * Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. * How can you tell if your husband is sexually excited? He's breathing. * What do Kodak film have in common with condoms? Both capture the moment. * Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? Because they don't have balls to scratch. * Why are brides dressed in white? So they match the rest of the appliances. * What do you do with 365 used condoms? Re-cycle them into a tyre and call it a Good Year. * Why is pubic hair always curly? Otherwise it'll poke your eyes. * What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you. * Why is the penis so depressed? His best friends are two nuts who live next to an asshole. * What do you call the useless piece of skin around a vagina? A woman. * What do you call a man with no arms and no legs, with a ten inch penis? Partially disabled. * What two things in the air can get a woman pregnant? Her legs. * What's the difference between worry and panic? About 28 days. * Why do tampons have strings? So you can floss after eating. * What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. * What is the biggest problem for an atheist during sex? She's not suppose to yell "Oh God, I'm ..." * How do you get rid of a nun's hiccups? Tell her she's pregnant. * How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as a choir boy. * Why do women wear tampons when they skydive? So they don't whistle on the way down. * What is a man's worst nightmare? Dolly Parton bottle feeding him. * Which came first? The chicken or the egg? Neither. The rooster came first. * What is the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken. * What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery guy have in common? They can smell it but they can't eat it. * How do you determine the sex of your (computer) mouse? If there's a "pad" underneath, it's female. * What is the difference between a rectal thermometer and a oral thermometer? The taste. * What can you assume when you find a lawyer buried up to his neck in cement? Someone ran out of cement. * What will it take to reunite Nirvana? Two more bullets. * What did the instructor at the school for Kamikaze pilots say to his students? "Watch closely. I'm only going to do this once." * Why wasn't Jesus born in the U.S.A? Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. * Why was Jesus a virgin when he died? Every time he touched a "wound" it closed. * What is the similarity between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? Both are made of plastic and dangerous for children to play with. * What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie? "Honey, I Blew The Kids" * Why was Michael Jackson so excited when he first heard about Boyz II Men? He thought it was a home delivery service. * How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning. * Do you know why beer goes through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color. * Is it hard to spot the blind guy in a nudist colony? It's not hard. * How did the blind girl burned the side of her face? She answered the iron. * How did she burn the other side? Same guy called back. * How can you tell if a valentine is from a leper? The tongue's still in the envelope. * What's the most popular pick up line in a gay bar? "May I push in your stool?" * Did you hear about the gay security guard who got fired from his job at the sperm bank? He got caught drinking on the job. * What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog? "It's true, we really do taste like chicken." * What do you give the blonde that has everything? Penicillin. * What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy? A hundred dollar bill. * What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? Nice tits! * What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? They've both swallowed a lot of seamen. * What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? The blonde has the higher sperm count. * What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant. * What do you do when an Irish throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. * What do you do when an Irish throws a pin at you? Run like hell...he's got a hand grenade in his mouth! * Why did the Irish ice factory close down? They lost the recipe. * Why did the group of Irish stare at the carton of orange juice? It said "concentrate." * Why don't cannibals eat Irish people? The last time they threw one in the cooking pot, he ate all the potatoes. * Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny. * What do a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common? The longer you play with them the harder they get. * What did one tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches. * What do you get when you put the energizer bunny's batteries in backward. He keeps coming and coming and coming. * How do you say "virgin" in Dutch? Goodentight. * What is the longest organ in a sheep's body? A New Zealander's dick. * What do you get when you cross a rooster and a telephone pole? A twenty-foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone. * What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common?They both circle Uranus looking for cling-ons. * What do the Chicago Cubs and Pee Wee Herman have in common? They both can't whack it in public. * Did you hear about the midget that went to a nudist colony? He kept getting in everyone's hair. * What is a Mexican without a lawn mower? Unemployed. * What is the difference between a Mexican and a bucket of shit? A bucket. * What do you get when you cross a Mexican and a nigger? Someone who is too lazy to steal. * What's the hardest thing about fucking a 5 year old? Having to kill them afterwards. * Old Chinese proverb: Rape impossible! Woman with skirt up run faster than man with trousers down! * How are airplanes and women alike? They both have cockpits. * What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his teeth? Gladiator! * What is the similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken? By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. * Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the Blood Bank? Sperm is handmade. * What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year. * How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard. * What did the banana say to the vibrator? What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat me! * Why don't vampires go south of the border? Because every time they suck a Mexican's blood, they get the vshits for a month. * Why did they take the "911" numbers off police patrol cars? Mexicans kept stealing the patrol cars, thinking they were Porsches. * How can you tell when the Mexicans have moved into your neighborhood? The Blacks get car insurance. * What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez. ************************************************