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To: lavalamp who wrote (643)10/29/1997 12:49:00 AM
From: JF Quinnelly  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 4295
 
Woman Kidnapped, Market Plunges

On Sunday, October 26, Ms. Janice Shell of Screum and Leevum was abducted from the streets of Milan while shopping for durian. A carful of plump bond traders lured Ms. Shell into their Fiat by dangling an odiferous fruit out of the window and inquiring "Would you like some candy, little girl?". Ms Shell, who had spent the afternoon with friends and some red wine, leapt at the opportunity.

The kidnappers took Ms Shell to an unnamed location where they held her captive. One kidnapper, on condition of anonymity, described what followed: "It was hell. Ms Shell was drunk as a skunk. She knows every Barry Manilow song by heart, and sang them all, loudly, over and over again. We suffered immensely. But it got worse. Rod McKuen. She knows all of his poems. When she finished singing "Mandy" for the 18th time, she recited McKuen's poetry. We had to leave. She was alone in our offices for hours, with our computers. This was a big mistake. Ms Shell sold every stock we own on Monday at the open. And then sold us short. Billions of dollars. Ms Shell demanded $15,000 US, or she refused to leave. We paid her." Italian police seek clues.



To: lavalamp who wrote (643)10/29/1997 12:51:00 AM
From: Jeffrey S. Mitchell  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 4295
 
Lavalamp, what FBN is sorely missing is a TA (transfer agent) for our stock. Know anything about that? ;^)

- Jeffrey M
(Founder, FBN Cartel)



To: lavalamp who wrote (643)10/29/1997 3:02:00 AM
From: Skeeter Bug  Read Replies (3) | Respond to of 4295
 
i was reading the 10k and found some interesting tidbits:

1. employee stock options fully vest in 10 months instead of 10 years.
2. a stock offering is planned in early 1998 to finance the ceo's benefits package.
3. 3/4 of the programmers earned a c- when taking c++ in college.
4. the company is expecting to have this problems licked in 2004.
5. profits are wholly dependent on rendering minimal services to government agencies, faking invoices and the government not catching on prior to us filing bankruptcy when this problem is solved.
6. the companies service goal is to provide the same value to the government that the government IS guys and gals did by spending $1 billion++ on tax automation and updates and yielding no tangible results. our motto is, if they can do it, so can we.
7. the company will take no responsibility for what the greater fool does or for the fact you may be the greater or greatest fool for investing in this pyramid scheme fluff to begin with.

good luck. the 10k was grrrrreat. were making millions, folks. i understand one mm has sold one naked short. if we all just band together and call in are certs, we could force the mm to pay millions for that one share.

i love investing. the money is so easy :-)

skeets, out...