To: Ibexx who wrote (3860 ) 10/29/1997 8:43:00 PM From: Road Walker Read Replies (5) | Respond to of 74651
IMPORTANT PRESS RELEASE FROM MICROSFT: >REDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 28, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made > by > >the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it > will > >be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for > an > >undisclosed sum. > > > >"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft > >chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for > >everyone". Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office > of > >the White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton The United States will > be > >managed > >as a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft. The federal government is > expected > >to be > >profitable by "Q4 1999 at latest", according to Microsoft vice president > >Steve > >Ballmer. > > > >In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and > >enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft, > and > >will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly > to > >Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive > >authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief". He > went > >on to say that Gates has a "proven track record", and that U.S. citizens > >should offer Gates their > >"full support and confidence". Clinton will reportedly be earning > several > >times the $200,000 annually he has earned as U.S. president, in his new > role > >at Microsoft. > > > >Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as > >"silly", though did say that he would make executive decisions for the > U.S. > >government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates went > on > >to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished. > "Microsoft > >isn't a democracy", he observed, "and look how well we're doing". > > > >When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding, > >Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place". > > > >Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United > States > >citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government > services > >and discounts on all Microsoft products. > > > >About Microsoft > >Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in > >software for personal computers, and democratic government. The company > >offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and > >personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more > >enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal > >computing and free society every day. > > > >About the United States > >Founded in 1789, the United States of America is the most successful > nation > >in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and > >opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, D.C., the > United > >States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation. > Sorry, recieved this by e-mail from a lawyer friend, couldn't resist. John