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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MSB who wrote (13477)	11/2/1997 11:37:00 PM
From: Grainne	Respond to of 108807

Hi, MSB!! If you want to know how people met, I am willing to tell you my story. I had gone out to a Mexican restaurant for lunch with a platonic male friend, and my friend wanted to stop at an Irish bar down the block for a beer afterwords, because they had Guinness on tap. When we walked in, there was my future husband-to-be, sitting on a barstool drinking a beer and reading Newsweek. He started talking to me, and was really charming, probably because he had only been in the United States a couple of weeks and I couldn't really understand very much of what he was saying. And if he had not been reading a newsmagazine I might not have paid him any attention (since I am so serious and everything)!! We were both in real transitional situations then. He had just arrived here and was staying in a small apartment with his brother and his wife, and their newborn baby. I think that is why he sat in bars reading, just to get away from the noise and have some privacy. I had just been through some traumatic times with a business and with my family, and didn't have very much money. So we actually got to know each other by spending our days walking all over San Francisco, picnicking and talking and exploring. I really mean ALL over San Francisco--we would typically walk from downtown all the way to the beach, through Golden Gate Park. There were lots of times we didn't even have five dollars, and once we sold a collection of very old magazines to buy food. Looking back on that now, it was very romantic. At the time, I wanted more money, which happened soon enough anyway. I think what makes a relationship seem like a long-term union feels right is chemistry. I cannot really articulate it very well, but it feels different from the relationships that were NOT like that. And I was clear that this man would be a good father, something I was looking for because I felt it was time for me to be a mother. I also think timing is very important. For men particularly, most of them have certain educational or career goals that have to have fallen into place, and then the kind of woman they are looking for turns from amusing girlfriend to what they want in a wife. I think women are more flexible about juggling things if they meet the right guy at not exactly the right time. While these are all gross generalizations, and I don't think it is really possible to make a lot of sense out of a relationship from understanding what the initial attractions were, obviously mutuality is very important. I suspect there are at least several people most of us could probably have had happy lives with, if the other person felt the same way and the timing was right, because what nurtures relationships is both people working pretty hard at them, and open communication. These things are impossible unless there are very strong mutual feelings!!!