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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: greenspirit who wrote (4285)	11/4/1997 12:39:00 PM
From: Thomas C. White	Respond to of 71178

"Caesarean Section.................a neighborhood in Rome" ROFL!! About time for TC's Annual Report Translator: "1997 was a challenging year." We lost money. "1997 was a difficult and challenging year." We lost a stload of money. "We anticipate deterioration of the current operating environment in the near term." We'll lose even more money next year. "It has been a time of surprisingly fierce competition in our core business." Our competitors ate our lunch. "We were disappointed about our top-line shortfall." Nobody's buying our products. "An extraordinary charge for returns was necessitated." And they're sending back the ones they did buy. "However, we have never before had more new products in the pipeline." We can't ship our new products yet because they don't work. "We also encountered unexpected obstacles in performance of our contract for the Department of the Interior." We're not even good enough for government work. "The expected synergies from our acquisition of Snaggletooth Industries are still under development." There won't be any. It's the stupidest thing we ever did. "We are devoting maximum attention to improving current ratio." We're eliminating the dividend. "We were admittedly disappointed in the price performance of our shares this year." The stock's in the toilet, as if you didn't know. "We are ever attentive to the issue of enhancing shareholder value." We're buying back our worthless stock. "We are carefully considering the spinoff or sale of noncore assets." We're not even worth the sum of our parts. "We have succeeded in more closely tying executive compensation to performance." What a hoot. We're bleeding you white as we speak. "We have undertaken a much-needed enhancement of the board of directors' package, bringing it in line with industry standards." The directors are too. "The Company has tightened up on discretionary expenditures." We're not using the jet on weekends anymore. And no more Sweet'nLow in the coffee room. "We're pleased to announce the appointment of Strom & Thurmond as our new auditors." The old ones quit. "The departure of our auditors stemmed from some noncritical differences of opinion regarding the Company's policy of revenue and expense recognition. We do not consider these issues to be material." Quitting was the smartest thing they ever did. "Regrettably, our Vice President of Sales resigned for personal reasons, and we wish him the best." We fired his sorry ass and hope he gets run over by an oxcart. "As is the case with any major enterprise, the Company has become involved in various forms of litigation during 1997." We're being sued out the wazoo. "These lawsuits are entirely without merit, and we will contest them vigorously." In a pig's eye. We'll settle with your money first chance we get. "The unusually significant number of insider sales registered during 1997 are solely the result of exercise of options which would otherwise expire at the end of the current fiscal year." We're voting with our feet.