My Sister Marie, by Carole Freedman.
It is very hard to express the impact my sister Marie has had in my life.
From my earliest childhood memories, I can remember wanting to be like Marie. I wanted to look like her, dress like her, act like her, and do all the things that she did. I probably drove her crazy as a little kid, and probably a few times too as an adult, but she was my oldest sister, and I idolized her.
Being 5 years apart, I was fairly young when Marie graduated high school and left for college. In Marie’s high school years, I didn’t see much of her because she was always so busy. Marie had goals, Marie was driven. Marie set the bar very high for us to reach. She was smart, attractive, practical, and perceptive, the perfect role model. She went to work at an early age, was involved in high school activities, and was an excellent student. When she went she went off to college, I missed her. But I knew even though she wasn’t home with me, she was always there if I needed her.
Marie graduated from Loyola Marymount University, Magna Cum Laude, which was no easy feat, went on to Loyola Law School, and landed a job in a downtown LA firm, where she later made partner. This was no surprise as we all had great expectations for Marie as we knew, without a doubt, that she would be a success.
When I was trying to decide what career path to take, I went to Marie to ask her advice. In her usual meticulous way, she was able to guide me and help me lay out a plan. I went to work at the law firm where she worked, and was able to spend every day at the office with her. This was a great time in my life! Work gave me an opportunity to become reacquainted with Marie again since I would be able to see her very day at the office. We were able to chat daily, go to lunch together, go shopping together, and enjoy being with each other. I loved it!
At this time, our age difference wasn’t so great. Our relationship had morphed into an adult relationship; we were friends. I wasn’t the annoying little girl following her around and bugging her anymore. We were two young women bound together by our sisterhood. And I so admired her. I was reminded again of why I wanted to be just like her. I loved our time together working in Los Angeles, and missed her when I moved to Orange County and didn’t see her as often as I’d have liked. We were both busy with our careers, our families and our lives, and I regret that we didn’t spend more time together during those years. We talked often on the phone, filled each other in on what was happening in our lives, and saw each other at family gatherings with an occasional outing in between.
But no matter how busy we both were, I knew that I could always count on Marie. She was my “safety net”. I knew that wherever we were and whatever we were both doing, I could call her or meet her and she would be there for me. She never judged, never admonished, but rather gave me a shoulder to lean on, and offered very sound advice. She was always there for me...and I could trust her with anything.
At the time Marie suspected the diagnosis she was facing, Marie didn’t tell anyone in the family about her illness. She wanted to be strong and not distress our Mother. She wanted to protect her as long as she could, until the time came when she couldn’t hide her illness and our Mother would have to know. We had many long conversations about this. It was at this point that I promised myself I would be there for her at this most critical time in her life, as she has always been there for me. I wanted to do whatever I could do to help ease her burden, and give her all my love and support. I wanted to be her “safety net”. We talked a lot during the past seven years, and I am honored that I had the opportunity to get to know Marie on a much deeper level. I tried my best to be there for her, and was thankful, even though it was under the worse circumstances.
There are so many things I admired Marie for, a few of which I would like to share:
I admired Marie for her values. She had a strong sense of right and wrong; she was confident, loyal, truthful, insightful, courageous, and unwavering in her core beliefs.
I admired Marie for her innate goodness. She was kind, compassionate, fearless and brave. I was AMAZED at the depths of grace with which she faced her illness. She NEVER complained, NEVER said “why me”. Her concern was not for herself in this horrible state, but for Jim, who was caring for her. She didn’t want to be a burden. Didn’t want to worry Jim. She told me this many, many times.
I admired Marie for the wife she was. She took her vows seriously, and her deeply devoted marriage to Jim was the example I looked to as the “perfect marriage”. Jim and Marie were always so good together, and you could tell when you were with them that they had the utmost respect for one another and loved each other deeply. I am so thankful that Marie had Jim in her life and he made her so happy. I would like to thank you again Jim for your love and devotion to Marie these past 30 years right down to the last hours of her life. Without you, it would have been so much harder for her. You know how much she loved you.
I admired Marie for the daughter she was. Marie was always looking out for our Mother. She was especially concerned how our Mother was coping with her illness, and worried that it would affect her health. She always put on a brave face when my Mom and Aunt visited her so they wouldn’t see how hard this disease was to deal with. Especially in the latter years. Again, she wasn’t worrying over her own state, but for the condition of others. She was selfless.
I admired Marie for the Aunt she was to my son Kyle. She always asked how Kyle was doing, how school was going for him, and offered to help him if he needed any advice on determining his life’s direction. When she could no longer leave the house and the internet was her connection to the outside world, she loved hearing from Kyle while he was away at school, and was appreciative that he kept in touch with her. His Facebook posts and emails brightened her days. She was genuinely happy for Kyle at every milestone, and told me often how impressed she was with the young man he had matured into.
And finally, I admired Marie for the sister she was to me. There are no words to convey the depth of feeling I have for this amazing woman; no words to describe the abyss her passing has left in my life. She was my confidante, advisor, my role model…my friend. She is irreplaceable, and I love her dearly. I will always carry her in my heart. |
