Transcript of John Oliver on the Republican theme, "We can change it." It certainly fits Romney/Ryan to a tee. The link also gives a transcript of John Stewarts monologue on Ryan the same night.
dailykos.com
JON STEWART: For more, we're joined by our Daily Show RNC Correspondent, John Oliver. John, thank you so much for being here. Let me ask you something. So you, obviously, you were on the floor, you saw the speech last night.
JOHN OLIVER: I did, Jon. And it really hit home for me. I guess, because my parents once owned a small business, a scented candle emporium in Akron, Ohio. In 2009, President Obama visited, and promised it would become the biggest candle company in the world. Two weeks later, it burned to the ground in a terrible, beautifully scented fire. Honestly, I still tear up whenever I smell lavender.
JON STEWART: Right, it's a powerful story. Obviously, none of that is true. Your parents are teachers in England.
JOHN OLIVER: Yeah, that's not the point, Jon. What was the theme of last night's convention?
JON STEWART: We can change it.
JOHN OLIVER: Exactly. And that is what I've just done. In keeping with last night's theme, Jon, I chose to change facts, reality, and the meaning of words, in order to make a much larger point. (wild audience cheering and applause)
JON STEWART: But you can't do that. What you need to do... you can't just ignore the truth when it doesn't support your purpose.
JOHN OLIVER: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. You can when you're trying to save your country from a socialist tyrant.
JON STEWART: Wha... who's that?
JOHN OLIVER: Barack Obama!
JON STEWART: But... he's not!
JOHN OLIVER: Yeah, I know, Jon. And that's why the Republicans changed that. Look, look. Do you agree that they want to win the White House?
JON STEWART: Of course they do.
JOHN OLIVER: And wouldn't it be easier, Jon, to defeat a socialist tyrant hellbent on destroying the American way of life, rather than beating a kind of fuzzy, center-left likeable technocrat?
JON STEWART: Sure, I mean that's obviously....
JOHN OLIVER: Exactly!
JON STEWART: But that would be a lie.
JOHN OLIVER: Yeah, unless they changed it, Jon! (audience cheering) That's what the whole of last night was about! And for good reason. Reframing the broader debate as tyrannical Democrats versus freedom-loving Republicans is one the Republicans can win.
JON STEWART: But it's not the real debate!
JOHN OLIVER: Yeah it is, now they've changed it!
JON STEWART: All right, look!
JOHN OLIVER: What are you not getting about this, Jon?
JON STEWART: You're saying as long as it helps them get what they want, they're allowed to do whatever they want!
JOHN OLIVER: Let me tell you a story, Jon. Last night, I met a very attractive and very drunk girl. And, like Paul Ryan, I delivered a speech to her about my life. Now, am I a Purple Heart recipient or an Olympic gold medalist?
JON STEWART: No. You are not.
JOHN OLIVER: True. But, did she wake up next to me this morning, before going and telling her friends that she just had sex with a war hero Olympian? Yes, Jon. Yes she did. (wild audience cheering and applause) And who is to say that her truth, Jon, is any less true than mine?
JON STEWART: You lied to her to get her into bed!
JOHN OLIVER: Jon, when she saw me, she was not attracted to me. I instantly thought, we can change that. (audience laughter) So, I told her a series of facts that were not absolutely accurate, in order to realize the much larger truth that I wanted to have sex with her.
JON STEWART: That's... that's horrible!
JOHN OLIVER: What choice did I have, Jon? If I didn't say that, I wouldn't have had sex with her!!
JON STEWART: You are a terrible, terrible person.
JOHN OLIVER: It doesn't matter, Jon. I can change that!
JON STEWART: All right. John Oliver, everybody. We'll be right back.
JOHN OLIVER: That's the point!
JON STEWART: That's not the point! |
