Hi Kevin and all, '97 Darwin Awards are in - LMAO. Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving - I sure did.
>THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
>individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to
>remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Here are some
>current candidates:
>
>5th Runner Up: A San Anselmos, CA man died yesterday when he hit a lift
>tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a
>foam pad, authorities said. Matthew Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at
>Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono
>County Sheriff's Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had
>hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors
>from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes
>Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the
>towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and
>Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the tower
>he hit was the one with its pad removed.
>
>4th Runner Up: Poacher, Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing
>above him on an overhanging rock, was killed instantly when it fell on him.
>
>3rd Runner Up: Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St.
>Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a
>hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it.
>Police found him unconscious in front of the store; paramedics removed the
>6 inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.
>
>2nd Runner Up: Man Loses Face at Party. A man at a West Virginia party
>popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion
>that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, State police said Wednesday.
>Jerry Stromeyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a
>party late Tuesday night. Another man had it in an aquarium, hooked to a
>battery and was trying to explode it. "It wouldn't go off and this guy
>said, "I'll show you how to set it off." He put it in his mouth and bit
>down, blasting away his facial regions and parts of his mouth. Stromeyer was
>listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries,
>according to a spokesman at Charleston Area Medical Division "I just can't
>imagine anyone doing something like that"
>
>1st Runner Up: Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said an Oregon
>man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive, and
>will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right
>eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain
>Men Anonymous, In Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can
>off his head, but the arrow entered Roberts right eye. Doctors said had
>the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have
>been cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Dr. Johnny Dalashaw at the
>University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches
>of brain, with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow
>managed to miss all major blood vessels. Had Robert tried to pull the
>arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
>afterwards, he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said
>Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this". No charges have been filed but the
>Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is
>under investigation.
>
>THE WINNERS: John Pernicky and his friend, Sal Hawkins, of the great
>state of Washington, who decided to attend a local
>Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge, AS. Having no tickets (but
>18 beers among them) they thought it would be easy enough to hop over the 9
>foot high fence and sneak into the show. The 2 friends pulled their pickup
>truck over to the fence and the plan was for John - 100 pounds heavier than
>Sal - to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence.
>Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the
>fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a
>tree. His fall was abruptly halted by a large branch which snagged him by
>his shorts. Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John locked down
>and saw a group of bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes would
>break his fall, John removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away his
>shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, John crashed below
>into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his entire body and now
>being without his shorts, he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch
>penetrating his rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his pocket knife
>preceeded to fall with him and landed 3 inches into his left thigh. Seeing
>his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope
>and pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup truck and slowly
>driving away. However, in his drunken stupper, Sal put the truck into
>reverse rather than first, and crashed through the fence, landing on and
>killing his friend. Sal was thrown from the truck, suffered massive
>internal injuries and died at the scene. Police arrived to find a pickup
>truck with its driver thrown 100 feet from the truck. Upon moving the
>truck they found John under it, half naked, with scratches, a holly stick
>up his rectum, a knife in his thigh and his shorts dangling from the tree
>branches 25 feet in the air. Congratulations, gentlemen... |
