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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MSB who wrote (14014)	12/4/1997 12:01:00 AM
From: Grainne	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

MSB, I wasn't really talking about when the fairytale ends and reality sets in, which I assume is that time typically about two years into a serious relationship where the most EXCITING part is over, and all the infatuation definitely, but you still love each other and are committed to each other. Romancing each other is always appropriate, however, and although the relationship is not new anymore, it certainly stays fresher if people don't take each other for granted and start treating each other like comfortable old shoes. I was actually referring to putting a really dead or horrendously problematic relationship back together, something I have real experience of doing fairly recently. I think one of the things that happens a lot is that the computer, and your cyber friends, are more entertaining than the person hanging out at your own house. The more you get into cyber reality, the duller the real person seems, and I think it can be an escalating process. If you want to rediscover your wife, and really make the relationship better, I personally think a fairly long period--at least three weeks--totally gone from the computer is a really good thing to try. If you don't give it that long, in my experience, the computer stays too compelling and attractive, and your real life stays somewhat unreal. Real relationships need real energy and commitment, the quality of your being "all there" with your loved one. A lot of us carry around other people--cyber friends and acquaintances and even cyber romances--in our heads wherever we go. This state of being between two worlds really blocks communication with the person beside you. It's my own personal opinion that you have to make a clean break from the computer to fix your real life problems. Real life is a lot richer and more attractive if your mind is not distracted by a cyber community lulling you into it. This can be a huge escape from reality, but if you go away from here and actually live in 3D for awhile, it becomes richer and richer and you want to stay there, and make it really good, and so your energy begins enhancing your real relationship. I have tried this, and it works!!! Hey, oral sex is fun, and very intimate in the sense that it can enrich the closeness you feel for each other. I'm not sure why you think I would be upset at the ridiculousness of your statement, unless of course it is just your wife pleasing you, which is of course chauvinistic and very unfair. Perhaps if you gave S.J. more of your attention, she would stop worrying so much. People who tend to worry anyway do much better when they feel secure and loved, and like the future is going to be good and close, not full of the problems a distracted, disenchanted mate brings to the equation. Anyway, all just my humble opinion . . good luck!!!!