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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MSB who wrote (14033)	12/4/1997 11:19:00 AM
From: Grainne	Respond to of 108807

Seven years? I have read that statistically, this is a very hard time for relationships, a period where they are fragile and some of them end. I don't remember why, and perhaps someone else can enlighten us there, but there is even the well-recognized phrase in general usage, "the seven year itch". Some things do get easier. In my own experience, there is a time in middle age where, after a lot of thrashing about with the concept, and perhaps looking around to see if there is a better option, some couples decide they are actually going to stay together for the rest of their lives, and there is a general relaxing of tension and a sense of okay, this is very secure, now what can we do to make it more wonderful? I bet that if S.J. felt that way, she could relax and you might both enjoy things more. Of course, some couples decide they are NOT going to grow old together, and separate. My own advice is that if this is the case, do it sooner rather than later, because the older people get the more dependent they get on each other, even in a bad relationship, and the harder it is to go on to a situation where both people find new happiness, which is of course what you would want even for a mate with whom you are no longer in love. I just chose three weeks because there is considerable evidence it takes twenty-one days to reprogram yourself to change a habit. I found from my own experiments on weaning myself from a cyber world that was inherently much brighter than actual reality--everyone is always on their best behavior, bright, shining and brilliant, no one is throwing up with the stomach flu, and everyone's hair is always brushed and they smell wonderful, and they are NOT wearing their oldest long john bottoms and a holey t-shirt and ridiculous animal slippers, because of course you cannot really see them--that any period of time less than that just isn't enough to get yourself firmly back in ordinary reality and WANT to be there. 3D is incredibly rich when you experience it fully, something I had forgotten at one time because I was so totally a cyber being. I am not talking about anything I didn't go through myself here! Of course we will miss you if you give it a try, but will understand where you went. I think happiness ultimately comes from what is happening around you, with the people you love, and that until all of that is working and you feel happy there, the computer is just an empty delusion. In fact, just going for a long walk every day with your mate, or doing some other special thing on a constant basis, can really be the opening to make everything better. But once you ARE happy in your personal life, it can be an asset if you are able to firmly limit the time you spend here. At that point, the computer becomes enriching, and you will actually enjoy it more because you will not feel anxious, guilty or conflicted when you are here, hanging out with us. Hey, best wishes, MSB!!!