*AV*--You know the old story our fathers told us. "I walked 10 miles to school during the worst blizzards, barefooted and uphill all the way. And when school was over, I had it worse. The return trip was 15 miles uphill." We weren't amused or bought into that crap.
Well, I have a bookbox marked "My Credibilty". In this box has all my report cards or transcripts from Jr/SR high school, college, graduate schools AND All my PSAT, SAT, AT, Regents Scholarship, National Merit Scholarship, GRE, LSAT, MCAT, and a host of other assorted Test scores and documents to casually parade in front of my kid's nose when appropriate. The box also includes the acceptance and reject letters from close to 40 colleges and graduate schools I applied for during my junior and senior year in high school and college. I only share with him that information that is pertinent to the class year he is in with a slight peek at the follow up year.
I have a representative sample (copies) of some of these same bits of data from my older and younger brothers as a comparison between underachieving and overachieving amongst us (yeah lots of sibling rivalry). I am the most successful of my 3 brothers and I say there is a direct correlation between those grades/scores and my success. It also shows that goofing off now leads to goofing off later snd that a miracle of improved grades, study habits, capabilites does not occur from Jr to Sr High or from Senior Year to College.
Does it work??? Well, not as well as I would like it. Its good for slight motivation for a short duration. It is used quite often (at least every hexter) but it is like pulling teeth. He is in the public schools surrounded by underachieving whiney brats who believe getting through the day on the least amount of effort. The guys look like they just rolled out of a dumpster full of rejected Salvation Army donated clothing while the girls look like their clothes were painted on their bodies since nothing could go on that skin tight. Take it from me, the discipline and dress codes leave alot to be desired. I do volunteer work with Junior Achievement (Project Business) so I have seen this stuff first hand for the past 5 years. Each year its worse. An underachieving environment breeds underachievement in the kids. Lowering of expectations by the schools and the staff is also not helping. Most of the kids admit that they intend to mooch off their parents as long as possible and soak them for all they can (they say it in a more polite fashion). You have young boys whose hormones are starting to run rampant and young girls dressing in such a fashio that they are driving those hormones into 5th gear. If I had those distractions when I was my son's age....Oh Well, off that soapbox for now.
After the documented mind games to motivate, I move onto bribery and threats. If you do well, I will agree to ...... If you don't show more interest and motivation for better grades, you can forget about ..... This negative consequences is not all its cracked up to be. The theory of more flies with honey than with vinegar rings true here. But, as you are well aware, we are incompetent parents at times and occasionally we believe THREATS WORK. The one I haven't tried yet is:
"If you don't shape up, your mother and I will make a point of spending your inheritance, become stark raving poor, and force you to take care of us when we are old, crotchety, and suffering from Altzheimer's Disease. I swear boy, your mother and I will be your worst nightmare down the line."
As these things start to have less impact I move to Plan "B". Plan "B" is dedicated to my Father since it was the exact thing he used on my brothers and myself. It seems that I was the only one that took him seriously, though. So here is Plan "B".
"Look kid, all I am asking (pleading) is for you to do well in Jr High just as my Dad asked me to do just like I am asking you now. You never met my father since he died before you were born. Oh, did you know, I named you after him. Your his namesake and it would mean a great deal to me if you would keep that in mind since you are the only male of this generation and have to carry on the family name."
What he doesn't know is that there is more to this story. Once he graduates from Jr High, there are the follow up comments (just as my Dad did it to me).
HIGH SCHOOL
"Whoops, did I really say Jr High School??? What I meant to say was Jr/Sr High School. Come on, its just 4 more years and you had a great headstart. Why blow it now. Look at it this way, you are a bright young kid and I am proud of you, which should make you feel good about yourself. You have your moments but you are a good kid. You haven't gotten into too much trouble. Just 4 more years and then I'll stop bugging you."
SECOND SEMESTER JR YEAR HIGH SCHOOL
"Look, I wasn't go to say anything until you graduated BUT: Why throw away the last 4 years of High School by not going to college. You worked hard and now is the payoff. Look at it this way, imagine if you were drafted into the army. Your life wouldn't be your own since you would be taking orders from some Drill Sargeant. Consider this a viable alternative. Besides, if you don't go to college, you lose your edge over others and could potentially wind up being a bum on the streets. At least if you go to college and do as well as I know you can, you will have a choice. When you graduate college you can CHOOSE to be a bum or CHOOSE to do something with your life. At least you get to CHOOSE instead of having the decision made for you. IT's the last thing I will ever ask of you. Go to college and the world is your oyster."
The above is the end of Plan B since he died my junior year in college. I will have to imagine what he would have said to manipulate me into graduate school. I went on my own volition so maybe his words finally got to me and I wouldn't have needed the prodding.
As with most parents, my father was an extremely ignorant person when I was 12-13 years old. He didn't understand the real world and what I was going through. But you know, that ignorant man somehow was able to get smarter and smarter as the years rolled on. As I approached my 20th birthday, I was amazed at how smart he was able to become. He didn't even have to go back to school to improve his intelligence. And to think, I was in school learning all that time and he was able to just get smarter by osmosis. What an amazing transformation he went through.
Morales of the Story:
1. Accept the fact that you are an idiot and your son knows more than you. But don't fret, you will get smarter in his eyes as time goes on or when it is too late.
2. Bribery works but it is of just short duration.
3. Mom probably can do a better job with the mind games on boys. You are just someone to be feared when you start that incessant yelling about subjects you know nothing about. Boys don't cross their Moms because (and is that a long list, my friend). Therefore, if you are the ENORCER in the house, Jackie should play the role of the Mind Control, Brain Washing High Priestess.
4. Keep plugging away. Eventually you can wear him down. Remember, he has the ability to wear you down on a host of subjects. Turnabout is fair play.
Andrew
BTW-My First SAT scores were 1475, not good enough to apply for the 5 year Pre-Med program at Penn State. I had to take the SATs 3 times before I broke the 1500 barrier which was necessary. I actually got a 1540 on the third try. I never went to Penn State either. I went to the State University in NY because of the National Merit and NY state Regents Scholarship Awards I won. Oh Yes, the reason I had Sat problems was that my non Math (English) left a great deal to be desired. My math scores were 800, 800, 797 and you can figure out how pathetic the English portions were.
BTW2-My MCAT scores were good enough for acceptance to Medical School but my GPA in College was not. At that time I believe you needed a 3.8 or better to get in and my 3.5 didn't cut the mustard.
BTW3-I Aced the LSAT (Law Boards and it was just practice for the MCATs) only because the Reading Comprehension was on Chemistry and Physics topics which was my major. Pulled the wool over their eyes. They never expected a scientist to take a LSAT. That'll teach those bozos. I shoulda gone to law school !!!!
BTW4-Since I am underemployed right now, I think these sage words of wisdome should be duly rewarded. So, you owe me a GREAT OEX Play POP. |
