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Politics : Formerly About Advanced Micro Devices -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: longnshort who wrote (739149)	9/13/2013 8:53:32 AM
From: joseffy	Respond to of 1578398

Assad: Syria will surrender WMDs if Washington Redskins agree to change their name. ................................................................................................................................................... Syrian President Bashir Assad today told reporters that Syria would immediately surrender all of its WMD stocks to UN inspectors and the international community, but only on the condition that the NFL's Washington Redskins immediately drops the team name, which many have found insulting and offensive. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell recently said that "even if one person finds it (the Redskins name) to be offensive, we have to be cognizant of that individual's feelings and concerns." When told of Assad's comments, Goodell went on to say that the "NFL brand is showing tremendous growth internationally. We are pleased that Mr. Assad, who is obviously a fan, cares enough to take such an interest. And we do want to be cognizant of every individual's feelings." Goodell added that he hoped it might be possible in the near future to have an NFL exhibition game in Damascus. "It may be difficult to find a level surface without any bomb craters, but I have no doubt that Mr. Assad will assist our league's groundskeeper advisory group in that search. And I will have to consult with the NFL referees union. It may be necessary to add several IED disposal personal to the game day officiating crew." Assad was very pleased at Goodell's comments, but he did add one caveat to his original offer. "It is my understanding," Assad said," that the NFL is contemplating adding a female, a Sarah Thomas, to the games officials. This is totally unacceptable to both Islam and our culture. The idea that men would have to listen to and obey a woman is distasteful to the Muslim world. We can never accept this. The commissioner correctly says that he is concerned about what even "just one person" might find offensive. Surely then, he cannot ignore what more than a billions Muslims would find completely unacceptable." Back in Washington, Rep. Keith Ellison (D-Minn), the only Muslim in the Congress, was overjoyed at the news, predicting that this would create "create hundreds of thousands of new Muslim NFL fans." However, Ellison did express some concern that these new fans would be unable to purchase tickets to see games. "You must remember," he said," that Muslims are not allowed to charge, or pay interest. Most NFL tickets are obtained via scalping, at prices much higher than face value. As the US Consumer Finance Protection Bureau, which Pres. Obama created, has already determined that scalping is a form of 'interest,' Muslims may thus be shut out from attending games." Ellison promised to try and hold a hearing on this topic, but he doubted that the GOP controlled House would do so. CAIR also was pleased with the announcement, but it too had some concerns, which were expressed by its press spokesman, Muhammed bin Ded Ladin: 1. NFL stadiums will have to serve halal meals at concession stands, and ban the use of pork, which is forbidden to Muslims. 2. Tail gating will be permitted by fans, but henceforth only beef ribs can be barbecued. 3. Muslims are required by their faith to face Mecca, kneel, and pray 5 times a day at the appointed hours. The NFL will have to therefore institute additional "prayer time outs" as becomes necessary. The PA system at each stadium will broadcast the "muezzin" the Muslim call to prayer. The Jumbotrons must show images of Mecca at these times. Secretary of State John Kerry was reported to be overjoyed, then confused by Assad's offer and its terms and conditions. When he was told of the statements by Ellison and CAIR, he was seen by one reporter muttering under his breath and banging his head against the wall. However, Kerry's press spokesperson, Jen Psaki, did issue a statement in which Kerry praised President Obama's "wisdom and leadership" in ceating a "better image of the US in the Muslim world, and the chance for a lasting peace in the Middle East."