To: FISHMAN who wrote (4426 ) 12/13/1997 11:25:00 AM From: Walt Respond to of 26850
A little humour for the weekend and hints for job resumees. >This list of excerpts from people's resumes was printed in Forbes >>magazine. >>1. "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience." >>2. "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet >>progroms." >>3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." >>4. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave." >>5. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial instutions." >>6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades." >>7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people." >>8. "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience." >>9. "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time." >>10. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details." >>11. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move." >>12. "Marital Status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No >>commitments." >>13. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." >>14. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to >>respond to my resume on my office voice mail." >>15. "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one >>and absolutely nothing." >>16. "My goal is be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training >>in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokeridge." >>17. "I procrastinate, especally when the task is unpleasant." >>18. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far." >>19. "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments." >>20. "Instrumental in ruining entire organization for a Midwest Chain >>store." >>21. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. >>I have never quit a job." >>22. "Marital Status: often. Children: various." >>23. "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employess >>get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn't work under those >>conditions." >>24. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous >>employers." >>25. "Finished eighth in my class of ten." >>26. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me." >>THE FOLLOWING QUOTES WERE TAKEN FROM ACTUAL PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS; >>"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has >>started to dig." >>"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity." >>"I would not allow this employee to breed." >>"This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a >>definitely won't be." >>"Works well under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a >>trap." >>"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change >>whichever foot was previously in there." >>"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." >>"This young lady has delusions of adequacy." >>"He sets low personal standards and then consistantly fails to achieve >>them." >>"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." >>"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts the better." >>=================================================