To: ggersh who wrote (57097 ) 3/1/2015 9:38:59 AM From: Pogeu Mahone Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 71409 Carr: Bloodthirsty? Try John Kerry's Nantucket menu choices 080614kerrypinkbike01.jpg Photo by: (Courtesy Photo) BON APPETIT: Secretary of State John F. Kerry, above, had food for thought on the roots of terrorism at a recent conference. Wednesday, February 25, 2015 PrintEmail12 Comments By: Howie Carr Leave it to John Forbes Kerry to identify one of the root causes of terrorism — the lack of gourmet dining opportunities in the Islamist terrorist, I mean “violent extremist,” community. This blindingly brilliant insight from America’s Gigolo came last week at the White House Don’t-Call-It-Islamic-Terrorism Conference. This is the confab where Obama again mentioned America’s Muslim founding fathers. You know, like Osama Ben Franklin. Then they floated their Jobs for Jihadis program for the genocidal ethnic cleansers, I mean aspiring rappers, who are turning their lives around. You’ve surely seen the list of proposed new Islamist anti-poverty agencies: Be-Head Start, the Jobs Corpse, etc. But Kerry’s good-eats pensees (that’s “thoughts” in French, his native tongue) haven’t garnered nearly as many headlines, perhaps because, well, who pays any attention to what Liveshot says? “In our era,” Kerry sniffed, “poisonous ideas can come from almost anywhere. … In some cases, they may come from … the contrast between one family’s empty dinner plate and a fancy restaurant’s lavish menu.” A fancy restaurant’s lavish menu — this is something Liveshot has beaucoup (that means “so much”) experience with, especially since hooking up with his second wife’s first husband’s trust fund. Just as when he was mooching off his first wife’s Main Line trust fund, Liveshot has again become familiar with haute cuisine, especially on the quaint island of Nantucket where he “summers.” After Memorial Day, this whole terrorism problem could be resolved overnight if only Liveshot takes the killers out for dinner at one of his favorite island haunts — perhaps at the Straight Wharf, or the Chanticleer Inn, or Topper’s at Wauwinet. Bloodthirsty cutthroats like Caliph al-Baghdadi might be amused that Topper’s doesn’t list prices on its menu. But surely he will be impressed by infidel cuisine like “Roasted Wild Atlantic Halibut.” (Is there such a thing as farm-raised halibut, Abdul?) How about the “Spanish Octopus” — how did the Crusader fishermen know what language the octopus spoke, Omar? Hey look, Ahmed — they don’t have mixed salad at the Chanticleer, they have “Melange of Local Greens.” Another helping of “Young Vegetables,” Bashir, or would you prefer “Baby Tokyo Turnips?” (Tokyo Rose Turnips are out of season.) At the Straight Wharf, ISIS gunsels can chow down on “local harpooned swordfish” — no fishnets on Nantucket, praise Allah. If only the “militants” could chow down at the Galley Beach for some “Heirloom tomatoes,” or maybe “heirloom carrots,” then perhaps they wouldn’t be so eager to loot the heirloom ruins of Syria and Iraq. If Hussein and Ali could just take time out from Jihad to partake of some of the Chanticleer’s exquisite “Open Range Merino Lamb,” perhaps they’d stop ranging through the Mideast burning Jordanian airmen alive. There’s nothing wrong with ISIS that a good new French restaurant couldn’t cure — Chez Raqqa, or Le Scimitar. One last thing, Liveshot. When you invite all your Arab friends down to Nantucket next summer, don’t forget to show them that pink girly bike you were riding around the island last year. That’ll really put the fear of Allah into them.Go to howiecarrshow.com to buy tickets to Howie’s Night of Crime dinner show at Lombardo’s in Randolph Sunday March 8. More On: