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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (120)	1/9/1998 9:22:00 AM
From: Damir Gunja	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

> 99 reasons it's great to be a guy > > 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. > 2. Movie nudity is virtually always female. > 3. You know stuff about tanks. > 4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. > 5. Monday Night Football. > 6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives. > 7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. > 8. You can open all your own jars. > 9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight. > 10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind. > 11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying. > 12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. > 13. All your orgasms are real. > 14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex. > 15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you. > 16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you > go. > 17. You understand why Stripes is funny. > 18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. > 19. Your last name stays put. > 20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade. > 21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that > everyone > secretly hates you. > 22. You can kill your own food. > 23. The garage is all yours. > 24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. > 25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment. > 26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. > 27. You never have to clean the toilet. > 28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes. > 29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation. > 30. Wedding plans take care of themselves. > 31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can > still be > you friend. > 32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack. > 33. The National College Cheerleading Championship. > 34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry. > 35. You don't have to shave below your neck. > 36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. > 37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices. > 38. You can write your name in the snow. > 39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest. > 40. Everything on your face stays its original color. > 41. Chocolate is just another snack. > 42. You can be president. > 43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. > 44. Flowers fix everything. > 45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings. > 46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours. > 47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. > 48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough. > 49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store. > 50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think. > 51. Foreplay is optional. > 52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. > 53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the > room. > 54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. > 55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is > coming by. > 56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. > 57. Car mechanics tell you the truth. > 58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. > 59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without > even > thinking (He must be mad at me) > 60. The world is your urinal. > 61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is > about to leave you. > 62. You get to jump up and slap stuff. > 63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. > 64. One mood, all the time. > 65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look > like him. > 66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's > just > too skeevy. > 67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. > 68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing. > 69. Same work....more pay. > 70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character. > 71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch > adjustment. > 72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100. > 73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back. > 74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's > population in 15 tries, at least in theory. > 75. You don't mooch off others' desserts. > 76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. > 77. The remote is yours and yours alone. > 78. People never glance at your chest when your talking to them. > 79. ESPN's sports center. > 80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift. > 81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers. > 82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. > 83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. > 84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom. > 85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell > your > friends you've changed. > 86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man. > 87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "F*#k it!" > 88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you > might > become lifelong buddies. > 89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary. > 90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. > 91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in > the mood. > 92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. > 93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a > hammer and > throw it across the room. > 94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. > 95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. > 96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and > anniversaries. > 97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. > 98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice > anything > different?" > 99. Baywatch >