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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: James R. Barrett who wrote (6053)	1/10/1998 3:47:00 PM
From: epicure	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Jim, Jim, what can I say. Janice has given you the wrong advice, as usual. Why am I not surprised? Why did you not come to me? The first step is to find a mystic or spiritual guide, only he/she /it will be able to help you with your "path." Stealing other people's paths by wearing no underwear and cross dressing doesn't count. Ah, if it were only that easy anyone who looked like Bella Abzug could walk around without their skivies and be perfect. I am sure you will agree this is not the case. Hemp for instance, is fine for people on the Hemp path. But what if yours is the ganja path? Then you would have made a terrible mistake. Perhaps you were not meant to plant flowers but redwoods, again, a terrible mistake. I am so glad I was here to help you reach enlightenment. Please put your underwear back on right now. We will all feel much better if you do.

To: James R. Barrett who wrote (6053)	1/10/1998 4:04:00 PM
From: Janice Shell	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Dear Jim!!! It is so wonderful to hear of your plans to create a Rainbow Family! You are surely a giving and caring person who comes closer to perfection every day. I am also enthusiastic about your new memberships, but have you remembered to subscribe to the San Francisco Chronicle as well? And you must struggle to become a vegetarian and must also give up smoking. If you don't smoke already, start so that you can renounce it and then be utterly disgusted by people who lack your resolve. What a sacrifice you are making for your poor wife. I certainly hope she appreciates your nobility!!! Janice

To: James R. Barrett who wrote (6053)	1/10/1998 4:32:00 PM
From: Rambi	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Oh, Jim, I would never criticise my dear friends but their advice is sucky and all wrong. Don't listen to them. They mean well, but are so blind and narrow-minded that they can't possibly be perfect, although I'm very fond of them anyway and wouldn't want to hurt their feelings for anything. There is only one true way to achieve perfection, which of course, I practice. It is known as P4---the Pathologically Passive Path to Perfection, sometimes known as the Southern Belle Technique and it's deceptively simple. One must always, always be nice, no matter what creepy, terrible things people say and do. This way, you present a big, mushy, icky target, that no one really wants to shoot at not only because it's so unrewarding and unpleasant to touch, but because the P4 technique, when followed stringently, gives the appearance of slight mental retardation. This has the additional effect of making people feel bad about themselves for being small enough to pick on you, a defective, pitiful personality. Of course, the danger in this path is that you develop colitis and weird nervous tics, but there is always a price to pay for perfection. The P4 is not for everyone, but I feel sure you could be brilliant at it, with the additional benefit of shocking people into silence with your unusual behavior. If I can help, please ask. I am always eager to be of service and would love to say sweet things to you, no matter what. DOn't tell J and A that I said they were sucky, though. That would be so out of character for me and I would feel so terrible about it.