To: Alex MG who wrote (497750 ) 8/28/2022 8:13:22 PM From: epicure 1 RecommendationRecommended By ralfph
Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 542054 Wow- my adoptive mom ended up on lithium too (in the 80's) for borderline personality- nimh.nih.gov I remember at about age 5 my mom would get super mad at me and bash her head into the wall and tell me she was going to kill herself. By the time I was 8 or 9 this made me laugh, because by then I wanted her to kill herself, but I knew she wouldn't- and of course laughing at her didn't really make things better. She got medication when I was in high school and she evened out a little- but she was still a screamer and violent. Everyone in the neighborhood could hear her when she yelled at my dad or me. And one time she tried to hit me with my own guitar- ended up hitting my mahogany 4 poster instead and breaking the pine cone tip off. I always worried about being a mom because of her- but I love kids, and I never raised a hand to my own children. It's in the genes, I think, the tendencies to violence. I mean I was seriously abused, but I never wanted to pass that on. Later in life my mom and I had some good conversations. She finally owned up to being abusive and I told her I forgave her and that I believed she did the best she could. When I was sitting with her, as she was dying, I was crying- of course- and she said, "You really do love me." And I thought that was the saddest thing. Because yes, of course, you love the pieces of the parent that you can, no matter how awful they are. And my mom had her really good moments- that made the bad even worse because they contrasted with how good I knew she could be. But I was very lucky to be adopted- because I told myself, "I don't come from this. I'm not this person." And I was very, very different from my parents, which probably made all the difference in protecting myself.