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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: James F. Hopkins who wrote (17680)	2/13/1998 12:40:00 PM
From: Grainne	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Hi, Jim!!! Sorry to have taken so long to answer your post. I have had technical problems, I think storm-related ones, on my phone, which wrecked my access on both of my ISP's. Things seem okay at the moment, so let me try to respond. The lies I catch myself in that I didn't mean to tell are mostly lies to myself. When you think about that, it is kind of ludicrous to lie to yourself, isn't it? I mean, if you cannot tell the truth to yourself, it would seem that you would lie a lot to everyone else, but actually I try to be really truthful with others, except for little lies to not hurt feelings or take an occasional psychological day off of work, or something silly. I definitely don't lie like Bill Clinton! I think telling someone you are in love when you are in heat is really typical for men. I hope you have forgiven yourself for that!! It seems almost instinctually based, since to survive men need to spread as much sperm as possible. Women need one faithful, sensitive guy who will stick around and help take care of and protect an infant, so what they are looking for is love, and then they will be more sexual. Totally opposites!! However, good mothers start warning their girls about this, gently, pretty early because they don't want their children to be hurt. I don't have any boys, but I would be curious as to what their parents tell them. I personally think the way men deal with anger, pain and crying is pretty instinctual, also. In order for early peoples to survive, men had to be very strong and block their more sensitive feelings, so that they could hunt and kill and get hurt and just keep on going, sort of like the Energizer Bunny. Now that most of us live lives that are gentle and stable enough so that men can reveal their deepest feelings, I think they are torn because their instincts tell them on a deep level this is dangerous behavior. It is no wonder that if you men get messages all your life not to show your emotions, there are going to be so many bottled up that letting them out is really scary, and that is probably why you felt you couldn't stop. I have commented before that I like sensitive men who are able to cry, because I think that shows they are in touch with their feelings, and pretty healthy and secure. I think maybe that it will take a few generations of parents who don't constantly give the knee-jerk message that boys don't cry to create a population of males who are more aware of their feelings, and able to express them. This is really healthy, incidentally. The act of crying causes the body to release chemicals which are really beneficial. Of course, I should add the disclaimer that I am not talking about manipulative, blubbery men, or archtypal sensitive guys like Alan Alda, who to me has almost no masculine energy at all. Yes, good start, Jim. What are you going to get your sweetie for Valentine's day?