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Politics : Liberalism: Do You Agree We've Had Enough of It? -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: didjuneau who wrote (223291)6/12/2024 12:57:31 AM
From: didjuneau  Respond to of 224648
 
Biden plagiarizes The Babylon Bee.
Emperor Palpatine Urges Citizens To Give Up Their Blasters Since They'd Need A Death Star To Beat The Empire

POLITICS·Jun 24, 2021 · BabylonBee.com

CORUSCANT - Emperor Sheev Palpatine has made a new push for blaster control in an effort to bring peace to the galaxy.

"We live in a world where the common rogue feels he can just shoot first whenever he feels like it," Palpatine said in a speech at the former headquarters of the Galactic Senate. "This violence has to end."

Palpatine was also dismissive of the idea that people need blasters in case they have to overthrow the Empire if it turns tyrannical. "It's just a ridiculous idea that a rebellion armed with blasters could do anything about us," he said. "You'd need your own armored, planet-destroying superweapon to match the strength of our Death Star. Even if you had X-Wings, what could they do but scratch its surface? Abandon all hope to rise against us! Abandon!"

With the Emperor's proposed blaster control, anyone caught with a blaster would be summarily executed by a stormtrooper, a policy anti-blaster activists are hailing as "harsh, but fair."

Palpatine also took questions on charges of discrimination within the Empire, as all officers and soldiers seem to be white males. Palpatine said he's working on a "new order," which will be more diverse with lots of women and minority hires - though no species other than human, since "they're all inferior."

President Biden Says He Is Still Proud Of His Son For Getting Away With Everything Else He Did

POLITICS·Jun 11, 2024 · BabylonBee.com



WASHINGTON, DC — In a heartwarming display of paternal affection, President Biden has responded to his son Hunter's conviction on three federal felony gun charges by reminding the nation that he is still proud of Hunter for getting away with everything else he did.

The president's inspiring words of support and affirmation for his son praised him for getting away with other crimes, such as drug possession, underage sex trafficking, and bribery.

"And speaking of the America, I'd like to remind you all that I'm very proud of, you know, the thing! Hunter!" President Biden said as the White House staffer who was supposed to be making sure he didn't get into trouble flushed red and waved his arms in a desperate attempt to get Biden to stop talking. "I'm so proud of that Hunter boy, not only for what he's done to get him in this frugecuielneug… but for all the things he got away with, too. So many things! PAUSE. Always, you know - putting aside 10% for the big guy, that's what Hunter does. Good boy, Hunter."

Biden was forced to pause as several White House staffers whisked him away off stage and claimed that he was "already late for another engagement."

At publishing time, several reporters were seen wiping away tears at the sight of the president's paternal care before editing anything Biden mentioned about Hunter out of their articles.



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