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Politics : President Kamala Harris -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Wharf Rat who wrote (4807)1/13/2025 4:04:29 AM
From: Maple MAGA 3 Recommendations

Recommended By
longz
Mick Mørmøny
Thomas M.

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Newsom Assures Wildfire Victims He Is Diverting Millions Of Dollars To Emergency DEI Initiatives

January 8, 2025



LOS ANGELES, CA — As the world looked on in shock while multiple wildfires ravaged areas outside of Los Angeles, California Governor Gavin Newsom held a press conference to assure victims that he was diverting millions of dollars toward the state's emergency DEI initiatives.

Tens of thousands of residents had been ordered to evacuate as the fires spread across areas including Pasadena, Pacific Palisades, and the surrounding communities, with no indication that any of the blazes were close to being contained. Newsom vowed to not rest until much-needed relief funding was funneled to the state's DEI programs.

"We're doing our best to make sure monetary aid goes somewhere else," Newsom told the media. "We've all been deeply affected by these wildfires. Me. My staff. Some fish nobody has heard of. As we confront this crisis, the important thing is that we remain focused on the primary goal — ensuring our government agencies and services are fully diverse and inclusive."

One Pasadena resident who watched his home burn to the ground last night was relieved by the news. "Oh, I'm so grateful to hear that," said Robert Henderson, who no longer has a place to live. "My family and I sat helplessly as everything we owned was destroyed, but it's good to know that Governor Newsom is solving the problem by directing all available state funding toward DEI initiatives."

At publishing time, Newsom's office announced that the governor had called an emergency lunch at the French Laundry restaurant to address the growing wildfire crisis.



To: Wharf Rat who wrote (4807)1/13/2025 4:09:12 AM
From: Maple MAGA 3 Recommendations

Recommended By
longz
Mick Mørmøny
Thomas M.

  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 4940
 
Kamala Harris Stymied As Argument With Talking Cactus Toy Enters Third Hour

January 11, 2025



WASHINGTON, D.C. — Vice President Kamala Harris continued to get the worst of the exchanges as a heated argument with a talking cactus toy entered its third hour this afternoon.

The cactus seemed to have an immediate retort for everything the Vice President said, confounding Harris' intellect as she steadily lost control of the dispute.

"So, you think there's great significance to the passage of time, huh cactus?" asked the Vice President.

"So, you think there's great significance to the passage of time, huh cactus?" replied the cactus.

"Why are you calling me a cactus? I'm the Vice President!" cried Harris.

"Why are you calling me a cactus? I'm the Vice President!" retorted the cactus.

"But you are a cactus!" said Harris, exasperated.

"But you are a cactus!" said the cactus, still calm and collected as ever.

The debate continued to rage on, with the cactus firmly remaining in control as the hours rolled by. Aides tried to intervene, but Harris remained determined as ever to best the succulent.

At publishing time, Harris and the cactus had descended into a lengthy loop of shouting "I'm the real Vice President!" at each other.