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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Thomas C. White who wrote (7912)2/23/1998 1:22:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 71178
 
"those electrical thingies with the cups"
On Tuesday nights (when there's no Matlock to be found the length and breadth of satellite TV) they have a little tournament. You take the little cups, cradle a water balloon of rigorously standardized weight in between'em, then hit the button. Winner is the one who lofts the balloon the furthest. Trick is not to use so much voltage that the balloon pops all over you.
Last year's Defibrillator Despot, Mary Ellen Johanssen, was dethroned after videotape showed her clearly "carrying". Giving a little push with her hands. This year new rules will require the use of the (already present. How thoughtful!) Velcro wrist restraints.
Playoffs this year are already rousing fierce competitive spirits. The entire E wing has been disqualified for "double bagging".
In practice, savvy athletes have been getting an extra eighteen inches by adding a touch of Metamucil to the balloon fluid. Adds texture and electrolytes.
Silvio deBartolo from the Roosevelt Pavilion has vigorously denied rumors that he is perfecting the revolutionary "weenie balloon". Silvio is understandably quite determined after last year's heavy favorite, the DeBartolo Torpedo, placed a dismal twenty-fifth after a red-faced Silvio Parkinsoned the paddle button. This wasted some of the charge through his right index finger, causing Mr. deBartolo to involuntarily drop his aiming hand.



To: Thomas C. White who wrote (7912)2/24/1998 3:55:00 PM
From: Rambi  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 71178
 
Whimpering and whining? Excuse me? whimpering and whining? I don't think so! I am declaring my wants and needs firmly and assertively. And I WANT ballroom dancing on Fridays. And my own bathroom with oversized jacuzzi. And who's the hairdresser? And will the Steinway fit next to the window? And where's the kingsize bed? And do you really think that little dresser will hold MY lingerie? And do they allow big fuzzy black cats? And just whose platinum card is this going on?