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Technology Stocks : Ascend Communications (ASND) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Inga who wrote (36568)	2/26/1998 11:14:00 PM
From: sepku	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 61433

Hmm...I've been trying to surf the MSFT hate sites, but IE4 seems to have a real tough time loading those pages. I keep getting the error message: "IE cannot connect to the server". Yet I can still open up any website that is not harboring any negativity to the software giant. Strange! I finally opened one and IE4 promptly crashed due to an "illegal operation". But I did manage to find someone's webpage with some tech-minded jokes and I swiped one that I liked, to post here. This one had me laughing (I can relate thanks to my email client problems and MSN tech support being of little help), and I don't think it's an antique, so I will risk further flames and paste it below! ;o) IF RESTAURANTS FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT! Patron: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support. May I have your telephone number, area code first? Your visit may be monitored for purposes of quality control. Now, what seems to be the problem? Patron: There's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Exit the restaurant and re-enter, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there. Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead. Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using? Patron: A SOUP bowl! Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up? Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup? Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup? Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day! Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day? Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day? Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour. Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now? Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato. Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now. [Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.] Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check. Patron: This is potato soup. Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet. Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything. [Waiter leaves.] Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup! ---------- The check: Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00 Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50 Access to support . . . . . . . . . . $10.00 Note: Bug in the soup included at no extra charge (will be fixed with Tomorrow's soup of the day)