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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: epicure who wrote (8460)	3/4/1998 1:00:00 PM
From: Jacques Chitte	Respond to of 71178

Bub was unconscious. His last garbled memories were of being dragged from the van and looking into the fiery eyes of the malicious Eeemerelda yadayada Saldiver. Then a brief impression of a pit full of odorous mud which...moved. He lay comatose, his ashen countenance in stark contrast to the glistening plum-colored cucumbers hanging in bunches off his chest and arms. He felt the life-force begin to ebb, felt how it began reconnoitering for a passage out of this overtaxed body. His eyes fluttered open, and he saw a ...hooded figure, wearing a short-yet-flowing white robe whose fringe swirled along the ground. Infinite wisdom and compassion streamed from this canine's huge soulful eyes. Bub recognized the boon companion of his happy childhood among the steppe-riders who'd adopted him and suffered his near-legless playmate. "Bill! Bill, is it really you - ..." The dog spoke with a powerful, soothing voice, threw back his hood to reveal ears which flopped like a scarf to the ground, and intoned: "No. I am Bilbo-wan Kennelbone. I have a message for you. Use the Farce!" "Wha - ?" murmured Bub, rapidly sliding back into a deep stupor. "The Farce, Bub. It surrounds us. It flows through us; it draws its power from all these posts. Use it to find your way out!" Bub whispered "Master - (Funny. Who was whose master now?) I can't. I have no strength left. I tried..." "There is no try. There is only Doo." The Angel of Dog became translucent and began to shimmer. As his voice receded, his tone became cautionary. "But beware of the Dark Side of the Farce. If you start down taht path, forever will you have screwed the pooch." In the last instant before dissolving, the vision changed. The robe became black, and in Bub's delirium the creature's head took on the appearance of a plastic helmet in the form of a chicken skull. "It iss your desss- tinyyyy." Bub thrashed weakly in the mud, upsetting some of the gorged annelids draping his abdominals. "Nooo - you're not my father..." Eeemerelda walked to the side of the pit, drawn by the commotion, but Bub was still. A particularly large leech detached from his nose and dropped into the mud with a squishing sound.

To: epicure who wrote (8460)	3/4/1998 1:01:00 PM
From: Thomas C. White	Respond to of 71178

Ha Ha!! Now placed the Bubbymans in wife nasty leechy pits Medellin mans now heres big moneys brings we has pigface prospector Dan man big chicken shows Ha Ha what a cutup!! Gets it, cutup like cuts up like chickens does Dan man!! Juan you so funny. Pays mortgage Rio condos for months many maybe!! Knocks off Bubbymans Dan mans one swoops the fells then no competition sweetietalks Rambi lady we moves Rio I zonks Eeeeemelda yadayada maybe redlygreenly tree frogs juice she croak like bullfrog!! Ribit!! Ha Ha!! Then I lives happily the after evers does the bouncybounce the swayhips Rambis lady she like the Rio Ipanema I thinks big times!! Ha Ha!! Greats works the Juan F. Gonzales Quiros Guillermo Hourquescos Saldiver!! You something the elses!! I say, fellow, don't you think this is all just a bit -- well -- savage?? You shuts up peabrain smartymouths poem mans!! I gives you chance already the once makes you nice you screws me Juan no gets screwed twice very smart is Juan!! And now you tellings me the Juan F. Gonzales Quiros Guillermo Hourquescos Saldiver what does with Bubby and stinkmans Dans and Rambi!! I cannot help it. You, sir, are a june bug on the windshield of civilization. Ha Ha!! I fixes now your stations wagons goodly rightly!! I wrecks brains last night I figures ways keeps you the thumbscrew unders!! Try this on the sizes for Worthywords!! I rewrites great poems the English to the Juan talks!! You has listens no cans helps!! I does will this everydays for months you stays put keeps poem mans mouth shut!! Here ones I wrote agains Emily Dickinsons!! I never sees the moors I neverly sees oceans But yet knows likes the heather look And when needs suntan lotions!! Ha Ha!! Greats no? Oceans Lotions!! Just likes poem mans!! Wanna hear rests?? Ohhhh....the Horror....this is too much for even a ghost to bear. My heart heaves in throes of wracking agony. The arrows pierce my flanks. Yeeeeeahhhh!!! I wins!! Juan you geniuses!! I am slain. That once blithe spirit shall fester, shall rot here like a mouldering ruin. Sit on its rotates nasty cheaty poem mans!! I does this one every days!! And you unbehaves specially then I rewrites whole whatsisface Milton Pair a Dice Losts reads you all days nights takes weeks maybe!! Oh misery! Oh misery! O woe is me! Oh misery!

To: epicure who wrote (8460)	3/4/1998 3:03:00 PM
From: Janice Shell	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Vagina was feeling distinctly better. Alan had always been sort of a jerk, anyway. Honey gold chest hair isn't everything. And she had to admit it: the Eeemelda woman had had a good idea. A barbacoa! Vagina loved barbacoa! She would help. She knew how to make a truly wonderful Special Sauce. She must ask about the vegetables. Indeed she feel a sudden craving for potatoes. Large potatoes. Roasted. Over a very hot fire... Must remember to cut out the little eyes, though: poisonous.

To: epicure who wrote (8460)	3/5/1998 11:06:00 AM
From: Rambi	Respond to of 71178

Rambi lowered the chainsaw and studied the towering pile of chicken pieces by her side. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she concluded that a 300 pound chicken could be the answer to the plight of a starving third world nation. She gazed around, having been somewhat myopically preoccupied with her task for most of the day, although in her defense, it should be noted that one really shouldn't allow attention to wander when wielding a chainsaw. Events seemed to have picked up speed while she was busy with her little Chainsaw Chicken Massacre. A tacky brown van was spewing forth men into the yard--well-there would be plenty of barbacoa, no problem-- who leaned into the back of the vehicle and jerked out-oh no!-Bub! As irritated as Rambi was with him for being a member of the wrong sex, she was not happy with this turn of events. He had been on his way to find her DryGulch. Eemelda approached, smiling her charming black and white smile and towing a man, whom she introduced as her brother, Gregorio, a hard fact to swallow, as he looked nothing like Eeemelda, having all his teeth and weighing about a hundred pounds less. He leaned gracefully over Vagina's hand, and Rambi quickly hid her bloodstained and chickengreasy ones behind her back, along with the chainsaw. With an endearingly childlike cry of pleasure, Eemelda caught sight of Bub being hauled from the van. "Tu hasss caught heem. Yesss. Theee leach peet, wee muss put heem there!" Considering that Bub had tied up a sister and hung her in the shower, Rambi decided a little object lesson might not hurt him, though she had to admit she'd grown quite fond of the muscular, appealingly pungent lug. As they hauled him away, her attention shifted to the sight of a familiar, dusty figure being led toward an arena-shaped area by a gleefully chortling Juan. No! It couldn't be! Not her beloved DryGulch! He was the star attraction of the upcoming show and barbacoa? Her hands gripped the chainsaw in fury. Any softness that she might have felt for Juan as Eemelda's other half-well-really he was only about a quarter of that whole- or as joint owner of the duplex that housed William, vanished in a flash. Her full, soft lips tightened, the blue eyes blazed, even her hair seemed to give off golden sparks. To an observer, she would have appeared to increase in height and size, so intense was her emotional reaction to the terrible sight of her unsuspecting love being led to certain death. Homicide by hen, rubbed out by the Grim Rooster Reaper, a victim of fowl play.... Where was her Uzi?