To: Druss who wrote (3800 ) 3/6/1998 2:17:00 AM From: jcboatwright Read Replies (2) | Respond to
SI MIDNIGHT RAG *BIZZARE CASE UNFOLDSLarry Voyles , a 38-year-old professional stock trader lies in a deep coma in Looney, ARK. Last night, after losing his rear-end on Intel and Compac earlier in the day Mr. Voyles went over to a friend's house to see his collection of rare posionous snakes. Mr. Voyles had playfully reached into a cobra's tank and picked up the snake, and was promptly bitten 7 times. Refusing a ride to the hospital, Voyles said "I'm a man, I trade in Big Caps, I can handle it," and instead went to a nearby bar, where he had three drinks and bragged to patrons that he had just been bitten by a #$%$# cobra. An hour later, he was rushed to the hospital...while drifting in and out of a coma he began to make some pretty bizzare confessions....Confession #(1) He nightly targeted kids in a park near his sprawling estate, left them candy (Banana Bikes to be exact) and a plastic cup, and via typewritten instructions asked them to spit into the cup after consuming the candy. He added that he is preoccupied with slimey banana smelling saliva and uses it for his wife's sexual gratification.Confession #(2) He had Bobbittized a hobo 11 years ago and still carries the mummified penis in his pocket for good luck. He secretly rubs the genital warts on it for divine guidance while making all his trading decisions.Confession #(3) He began his trading career with the money he made selling a homemade box, rigged with computer parts, as an "atomic bomb" for $1 million to Saddam Hussien. Confession #(4) His wife is unable to have an orgasm unless he is dressed in scuba gear and wearing a long curly black wig, complete with one of those Green Bay Cheesehead Hats, her ass has to be propped up on a red velvet pillow shaped like huge lips, while watching a nude mandingo stud masterbating while suspended from the ceiling, being hosed down with water by two men while a woman lying underneath him and wearing only a Leopard Skin G-string has the Banana Saliva (see confession 1) slowly dripped on her body. *****************************************
