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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (160)	3/6/1998 12:19:00 PM
From: Elvis Jones	Respond to of 2733

There's an SEG thread?

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (160)	3/6/1998 12:36:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Respond to of 2733

No, I didn't post the revisions and probably won't. I think the thing about SEG is the point you always made over there. Right now it is in the doghouse, but as a two or three year investment, it is just fine, and a good thing to have long term in your IRA account, which I believe is where you had your shares. Happy Investing! Vanni

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (160)	3/9/1998 8:43:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

Proof that Elvis and Jesus were one and the same. Read the following facts and become a believer. Jesus said "Love thy neighbor." Elvis said "Don't be cruel." Jesus was resurrected. Elvis had the '68 "comeback" special. Jesus wore a crown of thorns. Elvis wore a Royal Crown hair style. "(Jesus) was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow." (Matthew 28:3) Elvis wore snow white jumpsuits with lightning bolts. Jesus lived in a state of grace near a Near Eastern land. Elvis lived in Graceland in a nearly eastern state. Jesus said "If any man has thirst, let him come to me and drink." (John 7:37) Elvis said "Drinks on me!" (Jailhouse Rock, 1957) Jesus is often depicted in pictures with a halo that looks like a gold plate. Elvis' face is often depicted on a plate with a gold trim and sold through TV. Jesus was part of the Trinity. Elvis' first band was a trio. Jesus is the Lord's shepherd. Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd. Jesus walked on water. (Matthew 14:25) Elvis surfed. (Blue Hawaii, 1965) Happy Investing! Vanni

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (160)	3/20/1998 5:54:00 PM
From: Vanni Resta	Respond to of 2733

> How Things Would Be Different If Microsoft > Were Located In Georgia! > > 1. Their No. 1 product would be "Microsoft Winders". > > 2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle. > > 3. Occasionally, you'd bring up a window that was covered with a > Hefty bag and some duct tape. > > 4. Instead of "Yes", "No", or "Cancel", dialog boxes would give you > the choice of "Aww-right", "Naw", or "Git". > > 5. Instead of "Ta-Dah!", the opening sound would be "Dueling > Banjos". > > 6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders95 would be an outhouse. > > 7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player, you'd hear "Freebird!" > > 8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders95 theme song would be > "Boot Scootin' Boogie". > > 9. Powerpoint would be named "ParPawnt". > > 10. Instead of "VP", Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz". > > 11. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am. > > 12. Daisy Duke screen saver. > > 13. "Well, the first thing you know old Bill's a billionaire..." > > 14. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator. > > 15. Microsoft CEO "Billy-Bob" (a.k.a. "Bubba") Gates. > > 16. "ParPawnt" would have a "Pond Scum" and a "Junk Yard" > presentation template. > > 17. One wrong turn while surfing the web would send you face to > face with a 12 gauge shotgun. > > 18. "This computer protected by Smith and Wesson screen saver. > > 19. Directions to Corporate Headquarters - "Down the road a block > or so". > > 20. Microsoft Word includes a phonetic spell checker-"Hookt on fonics > werkt 4 me". > >