To: Earlie who wrote (1384 ) 3/20/1998 2:20:00 AM From: Mitch Blevins Read Replies (1) | Respond to
JUMPER AND PETE M. HIT THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE....We find out two heros in the unemployment line. Their radio show was cancelled due to an unfortunate incident in which Maria B. was a special guest. Although no criminal charges were filed, I'm afraid we've seen the last of DipsterTalk(tm).... PETE M.: Man, this sucks. We've been in this line for hours.<nfg>JUMPER: Quit complaining, Pete. It's your fault.PETE M.: What's my fault?JUMPER: We would still have our radio show if you could just have kept your hands off of Maria. What's the matter with you? Show some constraint.PETE M.: I couldn't help it. She was flirting with me, that seductress.<g>JUMPER: How'd the restraining order turn out?PETE M.: I can't be in the same state as Maria. My lawyer said it could have been worse.<g>JUMPER: Hey, look. There's Mike. Remember... he was on our show once. HEY MIKE!Mike walks over MIKE: Hey guys... ho ho ho.PETE M.: Mike, what are you doing in the unemployment line? I thought mall Santa's would be in demand year around.<-g->MIKE: There's tough lovin' in the job market these days. ho ho ho. Things should pick up come December. ho ho ho.JUMPER: What the he... Pete, look over there. See that guy with the bad hairpeice. I could swear that's Steve.PETE M.: Holy cow, I think you're right. What is this, some kind of an SI reunion?<g> HEY STEVE!Steve walks over... STEVE: hay guys wats gowing on...PETE M.: I just keep seeing people I know here in the unemployment line. What brings you here?STEVE: wel i lost mey job as a proof reeder i dont noew wy.MIKE: Tough lovin' all over. ho ho ho.JUMPER: Sorry to hear that, Steve. Maybe if you tried a dictionary it would help.STEVE: i triyd 2 find won in teh boook stor but i coldnt feynd it. they had al teh boks arangd in a funy order.JUMPER: Was it in alphabetical order, Steve?STEVE: yah i thinc taht was it oh i hav to go becuz my plac in lin is gowing to disaper.JUMPER: See you later. Hey Pete, who's that guy fidgeting at the end of the line?PETE M.: Now this is getting really strange. I think that is Kahuna Bill.<g> HEY BILL!Bill walks over BILL: Hi Pete. Looks like you're in the unemployment line today, but you might not be here TOMORROW. What do you think about THAT?JUMPER: Oh, I know Pete'll be here tomorrow, too.<g>PETE M.: Why are you out of work, Bill?BILL: I'm not out of work, but that could change in an INSTANT. I am here doing research for data to feed into my MetaStock 6.5. But, do your own research... I could be lying to you. I am not a professional answer-giver.PETE M.: What kind of data are you getting?<g>BILL: I use the list of weekly most-actives in the Barron's sold at the 7-11 near my house. I've tried using Barron's sold at other places, but I've found that they don't work as well. Then, I count the number of people on Tuesday in the unemployment line, and use this number as a moving average parameter. But if the vix is over 20, I use Wednesday's unemployment line numbers. Then, I filter this using the lottery numbers from whichever state Oprah happens to be broadcasting from. Then, I watch McGyver. But that has nothing to do with the indicator. I just like McGyver. Then, I run these numbers through a complex smoothing function generated from the number of times Captain Kirk says 'dammit, bones' cause Star Trek comes on after McGyver. Then I go with my gut feel. But no indicator can be used in a vacuum. I tried it with my Hoover at home. Got dust all over my chart.JUMPER: So, how does your gut feel?BILL: Pretty bad. I just had a burrito for lunch. But, do your own lunchwork. This burrito could come UP soon, or it could stay DOWN. My lunch forcast is M-U T-U W-D T-U F-D, but DOWN for the week, unless it rains on Thursday.PETE M.: You're quite insane aren't you?<g>BILL: I can't tell you for sure until I get my Barrons. But I have to go now, see you later. See you, Mike.MIKE: ho ho ho.PETE M.: Man, we gotta get our radio show back....end
