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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Grainne who wrote (19550)	3/31/1998 2:02:00 PM
From: Father Terrence	Respond to of 108807

Interracial Relationships A Good Thing? Can an Interracial Relationship be Victorious in the 90's? by Melissa Pena ----------------------------------------------- " People who choose to love someone of a different race deserve respect because they are the proof that love has no boundaries and that it sees no color. Their relationships exhibit racial unity and denounce the ideals of past generations." ----------------------------------------------- Interracial relationships cause a lot of mixed emotions in mainstream society. They lead to social tensions that are evident in our everyday experiences and emphasized by the media. Past incidents among different races and ethnic groups have led to intolerance and racial bias in our generation. History has portrayed this bias since the wave of immigration that permeated the United States in the late eighteen hundreds. Modern American society inherited this anti-immigrant or "nativist" attitude that dominated the late nineteenth and early twentieth century and has developed that attitude into the ideal of a pure race, a race that maintains supremacy over others. With these ideas in mind, can two people of different races endure a happy relationship in the 90's without getting scarred? Even though society may impose certain ideals between these relationships, interracial couples can still be victorious when love, communication, and commitment can be found. These are the necessary components in a lasting relationship and they may heal any wounds inflicted by society's misconceptions. People tend to believe that those who have things in common will naturally be more compatible. These common characteristics may be part of each individual's personality or his/her shared beliefs and values. It is obvious that people have different beliefs if they come from different cultures because customs are not the same. To exemplify this idea there is Jo McGowan's article on a Hindu-Catholic marriage. This writer, who has contributed her work to papers such as the U.S. Catholic Report and the Times of India, relates her experiences in a "mixed" marriage. As an example she gives the conflicting values a mere sofa brought to the relationship. This piece of furniture represented a sense of family values and evoked cherished memories in the author, while it had the opposite effect on the husband. He perceived this sofa as being materialistic and "middle class propriety" to own it. Even though this would seem to be a harmless possession in any home, it caused mixed emotions in both of the individuals. As a resolution, they overcame this obstacle by communicating and respecting each other. Each of them understood the significance of their upbringing and how that molded their values in life. Without understanding and communicating , the two individuals would not have resolved their differences. These two vital components of a relationship eased the tension and minimized the resentment each person might feel. COMMUNICATION IS CRUCIAL These two characteristics are vital in any relationship and it will definitely play an important role in determining the success of an interracial relationship. Two people must come to terms with any questions that are lingering in the air like the couple did in McGowan's article in order to avoid misunderstandings. These persons must voice their worries on cultural differences so that the spouse or other person can elaborate on the conflicting issue. With two different races there will be different beliefs and there might be common beliefs, but the only way resentment can be avoided is by communication. This process involves not just the expression of emotions, but also the ability to listen. This quality can be found in any person regardless of race because it is a matter of personality, not color. In any relationship the only thing that will determine its success is the characteristics of the individuals, not the race. Respect is an example of one of these characteristics that will overcome cultural obstacles and soothe the scars left by society's opposition. LOOKING FORWARD NOT BACKWARD America has been trained to believe that the accepted and correct relationships are those that include people of the same race. Those who happen to go against the norm are perceived in a derogatory way. These persons face hostility by strangers who blatantly stare or make rude comments in the street. As an example that is given by the article entitled "Love and Bigotry," An African American female who is dating a Caucasian male is considered a "sellout" to her people. She will be perceived as a"white girl" and a "traitor" to her race because she chooses to be with a white man. She is regarded in this manner because people of her own race still harbor a lot of resentment toward white Americans. As one man said in the article, "....White men have raped black women for centuries"(Stone, 57). This statement does not suggest that all African Americans feel this way, but it shows the extent of bitterness that is felt by this ethnic group. The intolerance of interracial relationships is justified in this case by using past incidents. This shouldn't be the case, and if people looked forward instead of dwelling in the past, then maybe interracial dating would be less controversial. A STEP TOWARDS PEACE Those who oppose interracial relationships need to break free from the constricting ideals instilled by their ancestors. The 90's should be a time of modernization, not an era that refuses to let go of the ideals of racial superiority and purity that were prevalent in the nineteenth and early twentieth century. These days demand more reform and a movement forward, not backward. Those who see "mixed" relationships as being wrong have to realize that their perception encourages prejudice. It segregates and restricts people from breaking free of their racial biases. People may pretend that there is a logical explanation in supporting their opposition to "mixed" relationships, but the truth of the matter is that this veils prejudice. If society perceived the integration of races as being a positive move and not a negative one, then our world would be more peaceful. It would be more tolerant of others regardless of their culture or ethnicity. Mixed relationships are actually a step in the direction of peace, yet people still harbor resentment that turns them into conflicts. The misconceptions held by society can strip the relationship of its happiness and leave bitter scars. CHILDREN HAVE BIG ADVANTAGES These scars are sometimes intensified by the conflict revolving around the children of interracial marriages. These innocent children are viewed as outcasts in either race and are the focus of those who ardently object interracial relationships. The argument used by these people is that the children who are "mixed" will lose their identity in life and that they will be unable to relate to their peers. In David Updike's "The Coloring of Childhood," an example is given by a child who is part African American and part Caucasian. This child is perceived as an outcast because he/she will not "belong" to either group. This is a misconception because the multiracial child will eventually find a niche in life just like any other individual and will actually have an advantage over other children because of his/her rich heritage. The child's culture will be enriched because of the union of two races, two cultures, and many customs. The offspring of interracial marriages will go on to surpass racial boundaries and will serve to unite the two races. The multiracial child will serve a great purpose because he/she demonstrates the movement away from old beliefs and false ideals. These false ideals of course are still maintained by the grandparents. Since they come from a time when racial intolerance was more widespread in society, the idea of "mixed" relationships evokes opposition. These people still consider it improper for their children to marry outside of their race because they are afraid of losing that racial purity and due to this perception they give their children ultimatums. The son or daughter is forced to choose between family and lover, a decision that will tear that person apart and determine his or her loyalty. If the two people in question here are committed and they truly love each other, then nothing should stand in their way. Even though family may play an important role in a person's life, it should not be used to win the argument over interracial marriages or relationships. Parents need to support their children in their decisions, not discourage them when those decisions fail to meet their expectations. FREEDOM TO CHOOSE In some cases mixed relationships disintegrate not only because of the family's opposition, but also because the person was unable to withstand the pressure. If he/she would have maintained a strong position and if the loyalty would have been there, then the relationship would have survived. Conforming to someone else's expectations and beliefs hinders a person's sense of freedom and happiness. The freedom and right to choose a path in life and someone special to share it with, is something that no one else has a right to prohibit. If interracial relationships seem to function, then the public and family members should step aside and let the couple pursue their happiness. A RELATIONSHIP THAT DESERVES RESPECT People who choose to love someone of a different race deserve respect because they are the proof that love has no boundaries and that it sees no color. Their relationships exhibit racial unity and denounce the ideals of past generations. When love proves to be true, then it will minimize the wounds inflicted by society's opposition and it will prevent resentment and hurt from breaking the relationship. Even if interracial couples face the hostility and ignorance of others, love, communication and commitment will lead them to victory. _____________________________________________________________