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To: Steve Martin who wrote (10632)	4/1/1998 12:46:00 PM
From: Dirk Dawson	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 213176

From Crabbe's Gossip mailing list: "And now for today's tip ... MICROSOFT TO QUIT SYSTEM SOFTWARE BUSINESS In a move that has baffled even The Beclawed One, Crusty learned today from trusted sources inside Microsoft Corporation that the company will no longer write its own system software once Windows 98 and Windows NT 5.0 ship later this year. "We're sick and tired of all the time and trouble it takes to write operating systems," one senior Microsoft official told The Crustacean. "Screw it, there are easier ways to make money. We'll let Apple stick to writing operating systems and just buy them later this year after their Rhapsody system ships to customers. Everyone knows it will make NT look like the pathetic joke it is, anyway. We'll just call it Windows 2000. Our customers won't care, so long as it has our name on it. They'll think we invented it. Like everything else we've done." When asked for comment about Microsoft's intentions, former Apple CEO Gil Amelio noted, "It's all Steve Jobs' fault. I had Apple back on track when that little snot came in and kicked my fatherly ass out the door. I hope that Bill Gates burns him at the stake after he buys Apple." A Microsoft marketing manager who has been tasked by Gates to convince Microsoft's customers to buy new Microsoft applications to run under Windows 2000, told Your Watery Wayfarer, "They'll buy anything we tell them to buy. They're pathetic sheep, really. Lemmings. I love my stock options. I love Bill Gates! I love this country!" When asked to give the Crustmeister a timetable for the purchase of Apple, Rhapsody, and the new Windows 2000 marketing blitz, this same manager said, "I'll get back to you on that next April Fool's Day." Crusty bets he will, too." Dirk