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Strategies & Market Trends : APMP (formerly APM) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Rudy who wrote (10533)	4/2/1998 5:07:00 AM
From: AlienTech	Respond to of 13456

By Phil Notfound, TechWeb WASHINGTON -- Microsoft chairman William "Bill" Gates declared Microsoft's independence today in dramatic testimony before a special committee of the U.S. Senate. "Microsoft cannot be controlled or dominated," Gates said. "And I don't think Microsoft is subject to the rules." In his opening statement, Gates outlined plans for Microsoft to secede from the Union, declaring his Seattle home the capital of "Microsoftia." He said the contractors already working on his unfinished home would double as security. "It'll be as impenetrable as NT," Gates declared. The world's richest man admitted that he did, in fact, own the English language, as well as several other languages, and told a nationwide audience to "shape up or start paying fees for the use of the following letters: A-N-T-I-R-U-S." In one heated exchange with the committee, Gates said he was "tired of coddling the know-nothings," and promised a "no more 'Mr. Nice Richest Guy In The World' attitude." He proceeded to demonstrate his new strategy by forcing Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Novell) to stand back-to-back with him, and then asked the gallery for a show of hands as to whois taller. Industry observers' reactions were split. "I think Hatch was wearing lifts," said analyst Mary "Ka-ching" Modahl, weighing in on behalf of Gates. But pundit-slash-venture capitalist-slash-swami Stewart Alsop said the senator was just not standing straight. A visibly shaken Hatch left the proceedings in tears. In other testimony, Netscape chairman Jim Barksdale charmed the senators with his impression of Hal Holbrook doing his impression of Mark Twain, Sun chairman Scott McNealy asserted he was taller than both Gates and Hatch, and Dell chairman Michael Dell said that although he wasn't really listening, "whatever Mr. Gates had said was probably right." Chairman of the board Frank Sinatra, chairman Mao, and Charo were all unavailable for comment.