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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (174)	4/14/1998 5:27:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 2733

When Mr. Jones answered the door late in the evening one day after he'd lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. "We're sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Jones, but we have some information about your wife." "Well...tell me!" he demanded. The policeman said, "We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worse, Mr. Wilkins said, "Give me the bad news first." So the policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you sir, but we found your wife's body this morning in San Francisco Bay." "OH MY GOD!," said Mr. Jones, overcome by emotion. Then, remembering what the policeman had said, he asked, "What's the good news?" "Well," said the policeman, "When we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her." "Huh?" he said, not understanding. "So, what's the great news?" The policeman smiled, licked his chops, and said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow morning."

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (174)	4/14/1998 5:33:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 2733

Who Came First? A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is frowning and looking put out. The egg mutters to no one in particular; "I guess we answered THAT question."

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (174)	4/14/1998 5:35:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Respond to of 2733

ENGINEERS Two engineering students bump into each other walking across campus. One of them is toting a shiny new bicycle along with him. His friend says, "Wow! I really like your new bike!" "Thanks," replies the other. "You'll never believe how I got it. Strangest thing I've ever seen. I was walking across the campus the other day when this beautiful woman rode her bike up to me, got off, ripped off all her clothes, threw herself on the ground, and said "Take whatever you want!" "Smart move," the other student replied. "There's no way her clothes would have fit you."

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (174)	4/14/1998 5:39:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

Ok, the last one for today: A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?" The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's." The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?" The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?" The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays." The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30." Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."