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Pastimes : FLAME THREAD - Post all obnoxious/derogatory comments here -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Blue On Black who wrote (3982)	4/11/1998 12:10:00 AM
From: Mr.Manners	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

Lee(the hick), Being someone who has given up smoking a few times at the urging of supposedly disinterested family members (they really wanted me to save the money as they were sure I was going to carp at any time from their observations that I didn't seem to smoke as much as invest in cigarettes) and if I kept smoking then there wouldn't be any money left - such is the vastness of my fortune), I would urge you to continue. But perhaps you could light up the wolf - that would be a decidedly different smoke that would bring you no harm and finally allow you to get onto the business of satisfying those smoke genes only some of us are born with; which the pretenders who buy their packs at the store one at a time, knowing nothing of the satisfaction of having a closet full of cartons, cannot even begin to guess. And if they don't know, how can they presume to advise us. I think my career in smoking began when as a child I decided that trying some of that fresh pavement tar after it had cooled would be fun. It was. Smoking obviously keeps you in touch with your inner child, and also disguises other unpleasant odors that may be lingering about in this world of Flatulists. How anyone can argue against such a simple solution to remaining in touch with one's self and maintaining the harmony of assuring yourself that no unpleasantly distinct odors will afflict the delicate sense of smell is beyond therapy. I am lighting one up now on your behalf.

To: Blue On Black who wrote (3982)	4/13/1998 4:11:00 PM
From: Larry Voyles	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

Another reason to quit smoking: Man dies after toilet explodes BONN (Reuters) - A German camper died from injuries received when a camp-site toilet exploded as he tried to light a cigarette, blasting him through a closed window, police said on Monday. Police in the town of Montabaur south of Bonn said the explosion on Thursday appeared to have been caused by leaking gas from the septic tank or a defective natural gas pipe. The 32-year-old man was taken to a hospital suffering from burns, and died on Saturday." The mind reels from the number of puns that could be made.

To: Blue On Black who wrote (3982)	4/13/1998 5:38:00 PM
From: Blue On Black	Respond to of 12754

Day 6. I am pleased to note that I am maintaining my calm and equitable nature and not letting this get to me. I decided that I would ignore the wolf and her breathing. She must have noted this and moved to another tactic. Now, she blinks a lot and I can hear her eyelashes whistle through the air. I have no idea why she is intentionally try to annoy me at this time. I tell her that I am on to her tricks and that she will not get to me this time. She gives me a 'what are you talking about' look...and blinks. lee

To: Blue On Black who wrote (3982)	4/13/1998 5:51:00 PM
From: Blue On Black	Respond to of 12754

Day 7. I decide it is time to have a talk with the wolf about her trying to annoy me. Knowing how touchy that she can be, I go to town for supplies first. I stop at the grocery store and get a wreath of garlic. I then go to the lumber yard and get an ash stake which I have them sharpen to a point. On the way home, I stop by the office and get a .454 Casull. I hope it is enough to slow her down. She growls at me as I come in the back door. I snap, "There you go again - intentionally annoying me. And pull the gun. She gives a low, hideous laugh and starts for me. I empty all 6 chambers and run for the back door. She is hot on my tail. In desperation, I fling the garlic over my shoulder which causes some hestitation. Finally, she corners me in the garage. I pull the ash stake and jump at her, hoping that the surprise will give me an opening at her heart. She swatted me out of the air like a gnat. After that, it became unspeakable. lee(the hick)

To: Blue On Black who wrote (3982)	4/13/1998 6:06:00 PM
From: Blue On Black	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 12754

Day 8. I awaken in the hospital. When a doctor wanders in, I ask how I got there. He tell me that a vehicle skidded to a stop at the emergency room entrance and some huge fiend with glowing red eyes threw out a torso and a bucket of parts. He said they heard a voice call out as the car screeched off, "Put him back together if you can. I'll make pate' out of what's left over." I do an 'inventory'. It seems that most parts are present and in the right place - more or less. The doctor tells me that my wife is here and wants to take me home. He helps me into a wheelchair. As he pushes me down the hall he offered me some advice - "Mr Cooper, I've seen your wife so let me make this suggestion. When you get home, DON'T EAT THE PATE'." lee(the hick)