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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: greenspirit who wrote (20266)	4/12/1998 9:25:00 PM
From: Grainne	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

Michael, I just read a long article in U.S. News and World Report about spanking. One of the statistics it cites is that poor parents are more likely to spank their children than are more educated, affluent parents in America: "In a 1997 poll, 41 percent of college-educated Americans disapproved of spanking children, compared with only 20 percent of those who didn't complete high school. Whites were more than twice as likely to disapprove of spanking as blacks, and the rich were less likely to favor the practice than the poor." While I am sure the young adults you talk to who enter the service from these disadvantaged families really believe that whipping children is a sign of love and concern, and that this is what caused them to turn out all right, there is also a huge group of children who were not spanked who turned out just great, and are on their way to college just as those you discuss are entering the military. So while I am in no way questioning the accuracy of your observations, it is certainly not any kind of proof that hitting your children makes them turn out particularly well. You are seeing one group of young adults, not all of them, and it is just impossible to draw accurate conclusions from that small sample as to whether being whipped is a successful child rearing technique in general. And since being hit a lot as a child is one of the risk factors for a life of crime, you are certainly taking a chance with that kind of parenting style. Of course, overly permissive parents who do not discipline their children consistently are doing them no favors, either. As in most things, moderation seems to be the key, with plenty of love. Who is telling you bad things about Dr. Spock, incidentally? Is it Rush Limbaugh? Before the 1950's, most parents were very authoritarian, and children were minor members of a household. Spock in the beginning did not even come out against spanking, although he did later. But most of what he did that will stand the test of time, I think, is to make parents aware that their babies and children are tiny individuals, with distinct personalities, needs and wants. I bet you have incorporated a lot of his theories into the way you rear your children without even realizing it, since your children seem so important to you and you are so concerned with doing a good job as a parent. A Montessori school is not a traditional place to for an extremely rigid or conservative parent to place his children, for example. Certainly, though, children learn by example, example, example. The most important thing you can do to ensure that your children do not smoke later is to stop smoking cigars right now. I only smoked very briefly twice during my child's life, when my own life was very stressful, and never around her, but I am still concerned that sometime in her adult life, she will repeat my bad behavior because of the example I gave her. Did you read the new study out this weekend about the harmful effects of cigar smoking? sfgate.com