To: Jamey who wrote (14031 ) 4/16/1998 3:58:00 PM From: Grainne Respond to of 39621
James, I read once that by most definitions of the word "codependent", most people in our society would qualify. I actually think it is an overused concept. We are all very much connected, and almost no one is perfectly healthy, are they? Someone I was in a relationship with once ended up in a treatment center because of a drug problem, and I was immediately dragged in, and ordered to go to Alanon. First of all, I don't believe in the underlying premise of Alanon, because while the part about staying healthy and taking care of yourself and your loved ones is very important, the belief that addicts and alcoholics need to "bottom out" before they seek treatment is just plain wrong. Interventions often work, as do employer demands to seek treatment or get fired. So what Alanon believes in costs lives, because some people will never seek treatment unless they are forced to do so. People have died because of this erroneous belief system, which I did not care to support. I also disagree with their assumption that all the people around addicts and alcoholics enable or excuse their behavior, or protect them from reality. I have never done that, and would not. I don't think it is good to make vast assumptions about whole groups of people, in general. Anyway, I found it bizarre having to fight my way out of attending their meetings. I'm sure that is not what you wanted to talk about, however. It is hard to know what to do about the issue when it involves Christians and charity. I find it very hard to refuse to give someone money when they are begging, holding a cup out, because it makes my heart feel cold. Certainly, there are people who have dropped so far through the cracks that they will never recover, and deserve to eat and have a warm place to sleep. But I would hope that organized Christian charities would create programs focused more on drug and alcohol treatment, job training, and other rehabilitative concepts. I think that the Salvation Army and Goodwill, which we have in San Francisco where I live, do enormous good by helping pull people out of destructive lifestyles. Glide Memorial Church does much the same thing. But some churches here just provide a warm sanctuary to sleep in, hot coffee, and food to eat, and someone to talk to, and I don't think that is a bad thing, and I think Jesus would have wanted us all to be kind and loving towards the most helpless among us on an immediate basis of need, while trying to create longer term programs at the same time. Is this the subject you wanted to talk about? The role of churches in enabling people? What would you like to say?