To: Jane4IceCream who wrote (4483 ) 4/16/1998 3:58:00 PM From: X Y Zebra Respond to of 7703
Miss. Jane, Well, thank you for the invite! However, I must warn you that, while unfortunately, I am not a geek (I only wish), my looks are something to be really horrified by. I have the looks of a geek, yet the brain seems to be rotting in increasingly larger leaps. I mean, I constantly hear the following comments: "Look away!, you have mean and beady eyes". (I scare the hell out of children, particularly babies) "Your nose is a monument to the snot" (you should see me when I get a cold) "Your body is like a pregnant ballerina" (big fat belly, with tooth-pick legs). "Your muscles are there all right, they just look like they have been resting for ten years" (actually it is twenty). "Your bathing suits looks like it has been worn three times!" (correct, my grandfather's, my father's, and mine, full body suit, roaring 1920's style). I even had a moment of fame, as a "double" for Eli Wallach (in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly), yes you guessed it I was "the ugliest" Remember?: (I forgot, you were not born back in 1966.... oh well, that gives you an idea of my age) Tuco Benedicto Juan Ramirez aka "the Rat" (Eli Wallach, "The Ugly") I came up with the lines: "I like big fat men like you...when they fall they make more noise!" and "When you have to shoot - shoot, don't talk." (do not forget the thick South American accent). I almost made it in one of Monty Python episodes. The one where a "Mr. Frampton", claims he was "the man with three buttocks". Unfortunately, John Cleese said that in spite of my three buttocks, I was far too ugly and weird.... even for Monty Python standards. So, Miss Jane, again thanks for the invite, but after having seen the descriptions of yourself, I doubt that you would have any interest in the Zebra. Understandably, the ugly, weird, strange, and somehow crooked minds of the likes of meself, may still present certain,... interest, of course out of mere, "curiosity". Z.