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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: greenspirit who wrote (20574)	4/17/1998 1:57:00 AM
From: Grainne	Respond to of 108807

Michael, I can understand your child's safety was in jeopardy, but how would hitting him with a belt solve the problem? Children who are out of control are already scared, and need the adult to quickly regain control. Of course you need to pull them out of immediate danger, but certainly your own sense of alarm, which your child can feel, and being restrained by you, and probably your raised voice also, are certainly enough to convey the message that this behavior is absolutely unacceptable. Then when everyone has calmed down you can have a serious talk, and make sure your child understands why that act can never be repeated. Five-year-olds are just about ready to reason on their own, and are very smart. If I were in a similar situation I would explain what the child did wrong, and send him to his room for a time-out with the instruction that the child would return and explain what was wrong with the behavior after some long thinking about it. My child was always able to do this, and did not repeat dangerous behavior. If keeping your child safe is the goal, I am just unclear why you would create the unsafe situation of hitting him with a belt. There is no connection between the bad behavior and your reaction, and it just creates terror and mistrust. When my child was four she was very jealous of our new kitten, and tried to kill the kitten by crushing it with a huge rock we had in our bathroom because of a remodelling project. The kitten managed to escape, but sliced its foot all up on a tile cutter blade we also had there for the remodelling project. When my daughter came out of the bathroom the kitten was bleeding all over her little purple bathrobe--I will never forget the scene, and the guilt on her face. We went to the vet together with the wounded kitten, and I insisted that she explain to the vet how the accident occurred. The vet bill was sixty dollars, including antibiotics, and I also insisted that she reimburse me for the costs. Since her allowance was only a dollar a week, this took over a year. As time went on, we would talk occasionally about how wrong it is to hurt an animal, and how important it is to talk about your feelings when you are jealous, so you can have a cuddle, and when she wanted something I reminded her of what happened to her allowance (of course, she was not deprived during this time, but had to do without tiny luxuries four-year-olds love, like gum from machines). She has never hurt another animal, and in fact is the main person in our household who takes care of the abandoned kittens we take home from the animal shelter to nurture until they are old enough to be adopted. So she certainly got the message about her misbehavior, has never repeated it, and would not hurt a flea now. Is there something more that I could have accomplished by beating her with a belt? I think not. I am sure that if you thought about it, you could also think of other ways to teach your children about how dangerous stoves are, and how breakable windows are.