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Pastimes : Tis the Season . . . Gifts -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: doby who wrote (840)	4/19/1998 1:19:00 PM
From: Carol	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1770

Okay, its only fair and I am a equal opportunity kind of person. So here goes: Why are women like computer compilers? 1. They hear what you say, but not what you mean. 2. When you ask what's wrong, they say "nothing". 3. Can produce incorrect results with alarming speed. 4. Always turning simple statements into big productions. 5. You do the same thing for years, and suddenly it's wrong. 6. They make you take the garbage out. 7. Miss a period (full-stop) and they go wild. <<ggg>>>

To: doby who wrote (840)	4/19/1998 1:32:00 PM
From: Carol	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 1770

Someone just sent me this by e-mail, talk about paranoia....... New Virus Warning If you receive a message with the subject line of ~Bad times," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. It is the most dangerous virus yet. It will rewrite your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer (20' range at 72 degrees Fahrenheit). It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so that all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR, and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. It will program your phone autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only 1940s hits and static while stuck in traffic. It will give you nightmares about circus clowns. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings, which grossly change the interpretation of key sentences. It will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will rewrite your back-up files, leave the toilet seat up, and leave your hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but refill your skim milk with whole. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs. Be very, very afraid. Be warned.