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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (193)	4/21/1998 2:27:00 PM
From: Calvin Scott	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

I just found out why I'm so tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 300 million. 150 million are retired. That leaves 150 million to do the work. There are 100 million in school, which leave 50 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government (not including the Armed Forces). This leaves 21 million to do the work. Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 17 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Government and that leaves 2,200,000 to do the work. There are 1,188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 1,012,000 to do the work. Now, there are 91,998 people in prison and 920,000 on welfare. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're just sitting there reading message board!!!!

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (193)	4/22/1998 1:31:00 AM
From: Elvis Jones	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

I wish I could take credit for this one! ------------------------------------------ The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, then hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out of the lemon, would win the money. Many people had tried over time, (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it. One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick eyeglasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said okay, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000, and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The little man replied, "I work for the IRS."