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Technology Stocks : Y2K (Year 2000) Personal Contingency Planning -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mighty_Mezz who wrote (138)	4/20/1998 2:57:00 PM
From: Jeffrey S. Mitchell	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 888

Way off topic, re: disappearing toads David, blaming the ozone layer for the disappearance of toads is a fraud, a hoax, and a scam. Here's the real reason: ===== Toads Take a Licking But Keep on Ticking by: Dinosaur Dooley, aka Jim Culberson DEA statistics now show the latest drug menace threatening western man to be bufotenine. This toxic alkaloid is produced by glands in the skin of toads as defense against predation. Vertebrates stupid enough to eat a whole toad, or even idly gum on one for a while, usually die but not before hallucinating wildly. Witches in the middle ages knew of the psychotropic properties of toad skins hence their use in witches brew. The method of bufotenine ingestion for most human users has changed little since those ancient days and boiling the unfortunate toad is still necessary to extract the bufotenine. However, the expanding range of the cane toad has given bufotenine junkies a ready, new source for their drug of choice. This dinner plate sized, bug scarfing, hopster is native to South America but can now be found in Australia, Hawaii, Southern California, and South Florida as a result of importation, mainly to control pests found in sugar cane fields. According to the DEA these huge toads have such a high concentration of bufotenine in the slime on their skin that licking a raw cane toad or boiling toad slime down and drinking the noxious brew will produce hallucinations. Frankly, I would have to be hallucinating in the first place to even consider licking a toad but I digress. Bufotenine is a controlled substance in America and possessing it is illegal. As yet, however, possession of toads with intent to lick is a difficult crime to prove in the land of the free. According to Robert Sager, chief of the DEA's laboratory in San Francisco, "If you had a toad, we would have to prove you were licking it on purpose, or you had given it to someone to lick on purpose." Possession of cane toad with intent to lick is already illegal in Australia. No doubt the USA will soon follow, lockstep, after the island continent's example by making possession of toads and their slime illegal. Just the threat of a general public gone frothing mad while hallucinating on illicit slime of toad is enough to make most Americans ready to shred what is left of the U.S. Constitution faster than Fawn Hall and Ollie North could shred a classified envelope of Iran-Contra documents. The new threat of toad juice inspired criminal acts will mean sweeping changes in the U.S. judicial system. Defendants will be prosecuted for conspiracy to possess toads with intent to distribute. Hawking contraband toads on street corners will draw mandatory life sentences. Communities will form their own TOAD SWAT teams to augment the Federal Toad Police. Toad sting operations will be perfected by the law enforcement community. Most insidious of all, American employers will not only start analyzing the urine of employees suspected of toad licking but will also begin on the job searches of employees wallets for folded sail toads peeled, after curing in the sun nicely, from a roadway and carried about to lick in a moments notice insuring the toad abuser will be able to maintain a constant toad high. Of course this will mean higher taxes to pay for fighting the TOAD WAR. Sounds to me like this drug war nonsense is Toadally out of control. (writers note: Sail Cat - deceased, well flattened cat that has dried in road. Can easily be peeled from the roadway and hurled like a frisbee. Hence, sail toad) ===== Source: clix.net - Jeff P.S. Hmmm... on second thought, perhaps one should plan to have a few toads handy come 1/1/00. (gg)