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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (209)	4/24/1998 10:47:00 AM
From: Bald Eagle	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

OK, let's try this one: A priest and a nun were driving in the mountains in a far away country. Sudddenly, the car stopped and they had no idea how to fix it. So they started walking to look for some shelter, because the night was descending and it was becoming very cold. Fortunately, they found a small hut. The hut had no heating or light, but at least it sheltered them from the wind. Also, lo and behold there was a large pile of blankets. So, they laid down with a blanket each for the night. As the night wore on, it got colder. The nun said to the priest " Oh dear brother, I'm very cold, would you please get me another blanket?". "Certainly, the priest replied.". He rose, got the blanket and placed it on top of the nun's other blanket. About twenty minutes later, the nun asked again for the priest to get her another blanket. Which, of course, he did. Then as the night wore on, the nun spoke up and said " Oh, dear brother, I'm getting cold again. I know you're a priest and I'm a nun, but just for one night, can we pretend that we are married?". "Surely we can, sister, go get your own f*&king blanket".

To: Vanni Resta who wrote (209)	4/24/1998 6:40:00 PM
From: EL KABONG!!!	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

April 24, 1998 Most Reverend JJ Jackson Southern Mississippi Baptist's Temperence League Biloxi, Mississippi Dear Vanni, Please indulge me and the Lord a moment of your precious time here on earth. Mr. C has been kind enough to allow me to use his SI account to send this plea to you. Lo on many years now, I have toured the southern states of this great country expounding on the evils of alcohol and the sins of mankind who consume this vile liquid, all in the name of recreation and thirst. Our ministry uses the monies we receive from the tour to finance our many programs back in Mississippi. Mississippi is a poor state, awash with many men and women who still believe that alcohol is the solution to their myriad problems. Clyde, my assistant who has accompanied me on my tours for the past 15 years now, may be said to have personally enriched our coffers more so than any other mortal being. Clyde helps us by setting up the tent and the stage. He's not what you'd call a smart person. Clyde has suffered from the ravages of this evil brew for most of his life. He call's it beer or wine or liquid fire. We in the League call it vile and evil. It has ruined Clyde's life. During my preachin's, Clyde sits on stage, drunk as a skunk. He slobbers all over hisself, and urinates on the stage frequently. He picks his nose and plays with it. When drunk, Clyde is truly a disgusting man. He has been known to pass wind loudly, thinking it amuses the congregation and me. And all the while, he drinks and sweats. Drinks and sweats. His odor emanates across the stage and though the audience. They are revulsed by the man's demeanor and appearance. As I said, Clyde is our best money maker, as no one wants their families exposed to the likes of Clyde. Earlier, I told you that Clyde was mortal, and early yesterday that truth became evident as Clyde expired on my very stage. We will miss him greatly. His fund raisin' abilities may be unmatched anywhere in the country. Without any money for our programs, children back in Mississippi will go hungry, And the vile problem will continue to expand. All of which brings me to how you can help us out greatly. Would you be available to replace Clyde for the rest of the Spring Tour? Sincerely yours, Most Reverend JJ Jackson