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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Joe Copia who wrote (210)	4/24/1998 6:11:00 AM
From: EL KABONG!!!	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2733

A Chinese restaurant owner was in the habit of sweeping the sidewalk in front of his establishment every morning at 10:00am. Every morning at 10:01am his neighbor, a Greek carpet store owner would see the Asian gentleman, and yell out "Hey, you! What's for lunch?" And the restaurant owner would reply "Flied lice.". The carpetman would guffaw loudly at the poor immigrant's inability to pronounce his "R's" correctly. And this routine would go on every morning for years. One day, the Chinese man's educated son returned from Stanford and overheard what was happening. He quickly pulled his father into the restaurant and explained to him why the Greek was laughing, and how his father was being ridiculed by his neighbor. The son said, "Remember Dad. It's fried rice. Fried rice. Not flied lice. I want you to practice until you get it right. Fried rice." So all day, and late into the night the old man practiced. "Fried Rice. Fried rice." He had it perfect now. The next morning he got his broom and rushed out to the sidewalk to begin sweeping. Out of the corner of his eye, he was looking for the Greek man. Finally, the Greek appeared and yelled "Hey, you! What's for lunch?" To which the old man replied "Fried rice! Fried rice! Fried rice, you Gleek plick!". KJC

To: Joe Copia who wrote (210)	4/26/1998 5:15:00 PM
From: Charger	Respond to of 2733

Yes, haha, I did guess it before I got to the bottom: toothbrush. Joe - go hit my new site "AQHA/TOBA - Racehorses" and tell me what you think. TIA Charger

To: Joe Copia who wrote (210)	4/26/1998 5:21:00 PM
From: Charger	Respond to of 2733

Here's one - There were these three macho mice found drinking at a bar. The first mouse says to the others, "Hey! Ya know dos rat traps dey leaves lying all 'round de place? Well, me I goes over to dem, an I sets it off, see, and just when de bar is comin' down, I grabs it, flips on my back, and I does a benchpress 30 or 40 times." With that he slams down a shot. The second mouse says, "Aaah, that's nothin'. Ya knows them D-Con tablets they leaves lyin' around the basement? Well I grind 'em up and snuff 'em, just for the fun of it!" With that he slams down a shot. The third mouse slams down a shot and starts to walk out the door. The other two look at each other and then one says, "Hey! Where're YOU goin?" The third mouse slowly turns around and says "Hey! I'm goin' home to f**k the cat!"

To: Joe Copia who wrote (210)	4/27/1998 9:17:00 PM
From: Charger	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2733

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important > guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. > > Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, > down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. > > They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!" He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. > > He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. > > He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said: "Come on guys, we're almost there!"